


The Priest

by MoonwalkerShawol



Category: SHINee
Genre: Abusive Parents, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Priests, Alternate Universe - Religious, Author Is Not Religious, Developing Relationship, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Religious Content, Religious Guilt, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Sexual Content, conversion therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23214595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonwalkerShawol/pseuds/MoonwalkerShawol
Summary: Taemin is a priest in a small village. He is a fervent believer and has the faith since he is very young. God is his only purpose.But he meets Minho.And his world crush down.*~*« In nomine Patris, Et filii, Et Spiritus sancti, Amen »
Relationships: Choi Minho/Lee Taemin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	1. Church

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer :
> 
> This doesn't represent my thoughts about homosexuality. 
> 
> I am not a religious person, but I do search about Catholicism. I put sources and complements at the end of chapters.
> 
> I hope to not hurt anybody. Religious subject is hard to treat without hurting people's feeling.
> 
> I am sorry if there are English mistakes. This is not my first language.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> PS : Yes, I am the same author on AF. I will post the story here too.

Every weeks, months, years of Sunday, the Mass is celebrated in a village.

Every weeks, months, years of Sunday, Priest Taemin does the Mass.

Priest Taemin is the youngest of the parish. 

At a very young age, he knew that God was calling him. 

Every Sunday he went to the church with his parents and sometimes during the week after school for asking questions about the Christ and God. 

He knew that it was his destiny, to dedicate his life for God. It was and is his only love.

Since he is the youngest, every one know him in the village.

Recently, he sees a new young man coming every Sunday. 

He heard that his family has just moved in. 

It was about four months ago if he remembers correctly. 

Every time after the Mass, this young man, who is ironically older than him by two years, asks him about love. 

What love is for the Christ, for God.

What is good to do, or not. 

He looks like him when he was younger. 

But the only subject is love. 

He doesn't understand why. 

« Father ? »

Taemin turns around facing him, with a smile on his face.

« What are you going to ask me about love this time, Minho ? »

The concerned one chuckle. 

« Am I so predictable ? »

« Kind of. It’s been… Maybe four months ago when you arrived in this village that you ask me about this ? »

« I’m sorry… I didn’t want to annoy you. »

« You don’t ! Especially about the place of love in religion, which is the core of life. Tell me. »

Minho hesitates.

« Actually, it’s not been a very long time since I became a Catholic. And I wonder if it’s really true or not… »

Minho is looking around, for being sure no one is there.

« Is it true that love between men is a sin ?… » He says in a whisper.

Taemin is looking at him, confused.

« What do you mean by love between men ? »

« Love like… Hugging, kissing… Like a woman and a man together. »

« It is. »

« But why ? Love is love, this is what you told me. »

« It’s… Not real love Minho. It’s a fantasy, a constant search of pleasure, which are the total opposite of the rules of Catholicism. There is no love in this. Just pleasure. »

« But a woman and a man have pleasure too… »

« Yes but there is an end to this : giving life. And it’s in a moderate way. When a man and a woman want to have pleasure, it’s for saying that they love each other and that they want a child as a representation of their love. Which is not possible between two men or two women. »

Minho is… 

Sad.

« You seem disappointed… »

« No… This is just… »

« You don’t agree ? »

« I don’t know. I want to have the closest relationship with God. But this is… Strange. »

« Why did you ask me this ? »

Minho is silent.

« Is it about you ? »

« No ! No ! It’s… About a friend actually. He lives in my ancient city. He is… Gay. »

« Oh… »

« And he doesn’t have the faith. He’s one of my closest friend. I know him since my childhood. And I don’t want to hurt him by saying it’s a sin. »

« You can’t change people, Minho. The first thing God teaches us is to not judge the person who is in front of you, even if what he does is wrong based on your beliefs. Don’t try to dissuade him or to change him. It’s not good for you, for him, and for God. Only God can make a judgment about him when the time will come. »

« All right… Thank you, Father. »

« You’re welcome. Be careful on the road. »

« I will. See you next Sunday. »

Two weeks passed since this conversation. 

Minho has strangely stopped asking question. 

Priest Taemin is confused. 

When the Mass is finish, he is the first one to go out. 

And during the Lord’s supper, there is a tension between them.

Minho looks at him right in the eyes. With unhealthy intent. 

It completely destabilizes Priest Taemin. 

He doesn’t know what to respond to this look. 

He tried to speak to him, but he never gets the chance to have a conversation. 

But this is the day. It’s a Tuesday. A man comes to the confessional. 

« Father… I have sinned »

Priest Taemin recognizes the voice. It is Minho.

« Tell me your sin. May God pardon you. »

« I… »

Some tears are falling down.

« I love a man… »

And he cries. 

Priest Taemin sighs.

« Minho… »

Confessionals are supposed to be close and anonymous. 

But this time Priest Taemin doesn't respect this rule. 

He really needs to talk to him face to face since Minho stopped asking question.

Priest Taemin opens the door of the confessional, seeing Minho crying and destabilized. 

« Minho… » Says the priest slowly, taking his hands.

« DON’T TOUCH ME ! » He says slamming them.

Priest Taemin is shocked.

« I’m… Sorry. I didn’t want to… »

« WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME ? »

Minho is standing right in front of him, with his unhealthy look in his eyes and tears falling. 

« I quite don’t understand… » 

Taemin is terrified. 

He draws back, until he hits one of the benches. 

Minho is right in front of him, his body almost pressing on the Priest.

« Why did you do this me… » He says in a whisper.

The priest is completely lost. 

« I… »

Minho doesn’t let him answer. 

He kisses him. 

He puts his hands behind his waist to press him against his body. 

Taemin gasps. 

He tries to detach from the kiss. 

_ « It’s a sin… It’s a sin… It’s a sin… » _

He repeats this in his mind. 

But… 

This is not what his body wants. His body wants more. He wants to be touch. 

He can’t fights anymore. 

He responds to it. 

He places his hands through the hair of Minho, for having the kiss deeper. 

He is completely lost in the sensation.

A sensation he doesn’t know, and he just discover. 

The kiss break, due to the lack of air.

They are looking at each other in the eyes.

But this time, Minho finds shock in the eyes of the Priest. 

But also an unhealthy look.

A Pleasure looks.

He goes out of the church.

With him.


	2. Lust, Sin, Love

Minho makes sure that nobody sees them in the street. 

He knows nobody is at home this week. 

His parents are in the business. Not very often here. 

And it’s not like they are caring about him.

Taemin is completely lost. 

He doesn’t know where he is. 

The only thing that he sees is Minho. 

Minho makes him enter in the house and goes directly in his bedroom. 

He closes the door and plate against the Priest in a rough kiss. 

The priest is shaking. He can’t stand on his feet because of the sensation. 

Minho takes him on the bed, being between his legs, without breaking the kiss. 

His hands are travelling through the fabric of the textile. 

This textile making him pure. 

But not for long. And Minho is sure to do it.

He starts unbuttoning the cassock of the Priest. 

Taemin stops the kiss and looks completely afraid.

Minho looks right in his eyes, continuing to unbutton the cassock. 

The clerical collar goes away through the room. 

Taemin is going to rebel against him but Minho starts to kiss through his now revealed neck, which makes him crazy. 

Some noises go out of his mouth, noises he never did.

Until now.

The cassock is completely unbuttoned. 

Minho opens the cassock, revealing his torso.

Torso that is white as snow.

His hand goes through the chest of the Priest. 

Caressing it very subtly. 

Like he is going to break. 

Like a porcelain doll.

The Priest is out of air at every touch of his hand. 

He is looking at it, travelling through his upper body.

Caressing his smooth and clear skin.

Minho’s face is going at the end of his torso, without breaking eyes contact.

A subtle kiss on his belly. 

A kiss every time he is going higher. 

Looking it through his eyes.

Taemin is… 

Fascinated in some way. 

The touch of his lips on his torso is lovely.

And he kind of appreciates how Minho is looking at him.

It isn’t lust. 

He doesn’t know how to designate it.

But it's a gentle watch.

Like asking if it's alright.

But his gaze changes right away when he starts sucking his nipple.

Taemin doesn't expect that.

Moans. 

Moans and moans. 

The touch of his lips around his nipple. 

His tongue licking it.

He is scratching the arms of Minho. 

Those beautiful muscles arms he thinks. 

It feels… 

So good. 

So… 

Pure.

He holds the sheets with a force he doesn’t even know himself. 

He doesn’t have the chance to react when Minho places him on his laps, still continuing to play with his nipple.

Minho stops what he is doing for looking at the priest.

He is completely soaked and red. 

Pearls of sweat are already everywhere on his body.

_« So cute »_ He thinks. 

He restarts to mark his neck with beautiful hickeys. 

Minho loves looking at him marked.

Looking at how he is now his.

The priest doesn’t even try fighting. 

He completely exposes the most possible his neck to him. 

He wants to be touch. 

Like he did just some minutes before.

He takes the hands of Minho for touching his chest.

But instead, Minho removes his cassock. 

The top of his body is now exposed. 

He looks at him. 

Taemin is blushing, his hands behind the neck of Minho. 

Minho is searching for an answer.

_« Is it okay ? »_ Are saying his eyes.

The priest closes his eyes and takes a moment. 

He breathes heavily.

Then he just looks at Minho. 

With a little smile on his plump lips, Taemin place his hands on the cheeks of Minho. 

The priest comes closer to his face. 

He rubs his lips with him.

And just kiss them.

Gently.

He looks back at him.

This says everything to Minho.

Nothing can stop him now. 

Their clothes fall rapidly on the ground.

The priest is lying on the bed, with Minho above him.

He is blushing sharply and looking at Minho’s naked body.

It is so embarrassing…

And so beautiful to watch. 

He touches his abs, intrigued, and goes up to his pecs. 

It is quite interesting how the shape of human body is so distinctive from each other. 

Minho is letting him explore.

How intrigued he is by his body.

_« How curious he is. Supposed to being pure… »_

The priest lets himself be taken by the sensation.

He just opens more of his mouth for letting access to the tongue of the older. 

But he feels a hand slide down.

Right on his private part.

Taemin just stops what Minho is trying to do by taking his wrists. 

Minho sees fear in his eyes. 

« Everything is going to be alright… We are going slowly… Very slowly… Okay, Honey ? » He says in a whisper.

He caresses his left tight for making him more relaxed.

Taemin blushes even more at the name. 

But he likes it. 

Too much.

He simply nods.

He feels a peck on his cheek. 

Minho looks at him with gentle eyes to reassure him. 

The priest just slowly lets the hand of Minho going under his belly. 

He just doesn’t know how to describe it. 

He never did that. 

He was never interested in that.

But he feels so much pleasure. 

He grips Minho’s hair and close his eyes, mouth open.

And moans. 

Minho is looking straight at the face of the priest, twisting in pleasure. 

He just kisses his neck passionately, accentuating the moans. 

But he stops everything pretty quickly.

« Why are you stopping ? » says the priest, breathless.

« Needy ? You will see in just a second. Tell me if you want me to stop if you are uncomfortable. »

Minho pecks his lips and goes down in where his hands are, without breaking eyes contact with Taemin. 

And he goes straight forward.

Taemin widens his eyes.

He lets his head falling on the pillow, his mouth widely open. 

His hands gripping Minho’s hair. 

He is moaning very loudly.

But he is so intrigued that he starts looking at Minho. 

Seeing him doing this turns him on more and more. 

Minho spreads his legs further and takes everything.

Taemin rests his head on the pillow, eyes closed.

Screaming.

Breathless.

Blushing.

Wanted more.

Wanted to never stop.

His mind is lost.

Lost in pleasure. 

Lost in the sin.

That we taught him it was so wrong.

But…

Why ?

It’s one of the beautiful thing he experienced. 

Minho ceases what he is doing and returns in front of Taemin’s face. 

The legs of the priest are shaking.

« Are you alright ? » He says placing a kiss on his forehead.

Taemin can’t respond. 

He doesn’t have the force and just place his head in the neck of Minho, embracing him.

«Can we continue or you want to stop? »

Taemin is shaking his head vigorously.

_« No. No please never stop. »_

Minho smiles.

«Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to until you said no to me.»

Minho puts Taemin’s legs apart.

He wants to have the most access.

He takes something in the drawer he isn’t supposed to have and put some in his fingers.

He rubs his finger on it. 

The legs of the priest are shaking so much.

Taemin feels an intrusion. 

Two intrusions.

« Stop… It hurts… » He says gripping on Minho’s shoulders.

« It will feel better… Relax… Your so tense… » 

Tears are falling on his eyes. 

He tries to relax the most possible. 

But it is terribly difficult for him.

He is not used to this. 

Minho gently wipes the tears of the Priest and passionately kiss him for distracting. 

He makes the scissors with his fingers. 

It is worst for Taemin. 

He is whining… 

But not in pleasure. 

Minho takes off his fingers, finding it relaxed enough for the moment.

« Taemin… »

He looks at him.

« It will hurt a lot at first but if you relax it will be better after a moment. Ok ? »

He just nods.

« Do you trust me ? » He says in a whisper.

Taemin looks at his beautiful big eyes. 

He puts a peck on his lips as a reply. 

Minho is so shocked.

He never saw so much… 

_Love ?_

At least, this is what he is seeing in his eyes.

« Make me yours… » 

Minho feels the hand of the priest caressing his left cheek. 

It is the best reply he could have imagine.

He grins at him and mixes their lips together.

Again.

And Again.

They just taste each other.

Minho is stretching him again during this time.

He thinks Taemin is ready in terms of stretching.

He takes a box and puts something out. 

Taemin is so dizzy that he doesn’t realize what Minho is doing.

« Are you alright ? »

He nods.

« It’s going to hurt at first. But then it’s going to feel really good. »

Minho takes the right hand of Taemin and enlaces their fingers.

« If it hurts too much you can squeeze my hand. »

Minho is stressed. 

He is trying his best for not making him hurt.

He is going slowly.

Taemin's eyes become wide open. 

It is hurting so much. 

He is literally crying.

« Relax, relax… »

Minho places kisses on his cheeks, neck, torso. 

He also caresses his thighs, face, stroking his hair. 

He tries everything for making him better. 

It is also so hard for him for not moving. 

The tightness is killing him. 

Taemin just grips Minho’s shoulders, twisting his face in a displeasure look. 

He relaxes the more he can. 

After a moment he feels it is good.

« I’m… Alright… »

« Are you sure ? »

« Yes… »

Minho positions himself better and starts to gently move. 

He lets out a light moan, gripping the sheets aside of Taemin’s head and his hand. 

It is so tight.

It is not the same for Taemin. 

His eyes are deeply shut, whining of displeasure. 

Minho knows it is uneasy for him. 

He is trying to give him pleasure by tenderly kissing his plump lips, his lovely neck or stroking is member. 

He is searching The Spot.

And after a few minutes, he finds it. 

Taemin unintentionally lets out a high moan.

Minho ceases his movement, watching him.

« Just… Just do it again… Here… Please… »

He is begging for him. 

Minho is seeing the most beautiful picture he could imagine.

Taemin is covering of sweat through all his body, the mouth open, breathy and moaning. 

His eyes are mixed between Lust, Love, Beg, Fear and Pleasure. 

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Minho takes Taemin's hips and gives a hard thrust. 

The priest starts moaning in a high pitch, taking the rhythm of the thrust Minho gives him.

His mind is going crazy.

It feels extremely good. 

Too nice.

Too pleasant.

He just lets Minho what he wants with his body.

He just wants to feel his feeling for him.

*~*

Taemin’s face is in the pillow, moaning in a high pitch. 

He doesn’t even know he could produce this type of sounds. 

Minho is behind Taemin, lying on his back and thrusting. 

His hands are gripping Taemin’s hands. 

Both of them are literally cover in sweat.

Minho’s back is cover of multiples scratches from their precedents positions. 

Some innocent blood is felling off, but he clearly doesn’t care and he is just more turn on by it. 

It shows how the priest likes it, how he feels he’s love.

They have done so many things since they have started.

Minho thrusts deeper, accentuating the moans of Taemin, becoming again more high. 

« Minho… Please… Please... Don’t… Don’t stop… This… »

He is grinning in his ear. 

He likes it so much when he is begging.

Minho stands, always behind, and spreads his cheeks for making the thrust more deep. 

Taemin losts control. 

He is grapping the sheets like crazy.

« MINHO ! OH MY… JUST… PLEASE… PLEASE… »

He can’t barely make sentence.

Just screaming. 

Minho feels he is close. 

But he doesn’t want to end it like that and also he doesn't want to be the first one to finish. 

It’s a thing he never liked. 

He wants to watch Taemin coming with him, seeing how much he cherishes him and holds him tightly. 

He stops what he is doing, to the displeasure of Taemin and returns him right in front of him.

Taemin is breathless, moaning and legs shaking like crazy. 

Minho takes his shaky legs for putting them on his shoulders.

And he just restarts what he is doing to him.

Taemin is gripping Minho’s hair tightly.

« Mi… Minho… I… I Feel… Odd… »

Minho just starts to stroke him.

It just accents his moan.

They are looking at each others in the eyes.

It is so embarrassing for the priest, but he can’t look away from him.

« Come… Come for me » He says in a husky voice.

Taemin lets out a very high sound. 

He is screaming and scratching Minho’s ample shoulders that makes Minho groans and finish him.

The tension is falling.

Taemin is maintaining his eyes shut, breathless, moaning and shaking. 

He feels something being clean on his body, but he couldn’t think straight.

He feels two strong arms surround his body and a gentle kiss on his lips. 

Then his body is lying on a muscular torso. 

And he just leaves in the countries of the dreams.


	3. Far Away

Morning.

The sun is passing through the window, illuminating two bodies entwined. 

Taemin feels the sun on his face. 

He likes feeling the morning sun. 

It feels so pleasant on his skin.

But he is also feeling heavy. 

He doesn't understand why.

He feels that his head is not on his pillow.

And that he has no clothes on him.

Abruptly, he stands up. 

He sees the face of Minho sleeping with a smile on his face.

This angelic face who is hugging him.

No.

Securing him.

He remembers everything he did last night.

With him.

Taemin panics. 

He goes at the bottom of the bed, clutching the sheets for enveloping his body.

Minho wakes up at this moment, watching Taemin completely lost, snatching all the sheets.

And crying.

« Taemin… » He says approaching him.

« DON’T COME ! »

« Calm down… »

Minho comes near him.

Taemin is kicking his feet at him.

« I SAID DON’T COME ! » He says tears still falling.

Minho blocks his legs and tries to put him in an embrace. 

Taemin is tapping his chest lightly, with his tiny fists.

« I said don’t come… »

He completely breaks down.

Minho hugs him very closely, stroking his hair for trying to relax him. 

« Hush… Everything is alright… » He says placing a peck on the side of his forehead.

Taemin is crying heavily. 

He is ripped apart.

He can’t believe he had just done that so easily.

That he just fell into this.

His life has just been broke.

His beliefs.

His values.

His feeling. 

His vision of life.

Himself.

In just one night.

He is like a new born.

Everything has to be relearned.

He is trying to calm down.

He looks at Minho.

He has only him now.

Taemin sees so much worried in his eyes. 

Minho whips his cheeks.

« Are you alright… ? »

He nods.

« Minho… »

« Yes ? » He says gently.

« You will… You will never leave me right ? » He says shaking.

Minho smiles and place a kiss on his lips.

« Never. » He says in a whisper.

He knows why Taemin is scared.

He knows that he has changed his life, he is not unaware.

He knows he had to relearn everything.

They lie down, peacefully. 

Taemin is on Minho laps, his head on his shoulder.

Minho is stroking his hair, which calms him.

« Minho… »

« Yes ? »

« What I am going to do now ? »

« What do you mean ? »

« I… I can’t go back to the church… I wasn’t there last night… They will ask me questions… and I cannot lie… I… »

Minho places a finger on his lips for ceasing him to speak.

« Runaway with me. »

« Wha… What ? »

« Do you have some furnitures at the church ? »

« No… At least, not important… »

« So runaway with me. »

Taemin looks at him in disbelief.

« But… Where ? »

« I don’t know. We will just take my car and go somewhere. »

Taemin laughs.

« This is insane… So insane… »

« Do you want to be part of this insanity with me ? »

Minho is looking at him deeply in the eyes.

It's not an odd question. 

He is serious.

What does Taemin has to lose ?

What was based on all his life is completely broke.

He still has the faith in God...

But everything that has been teach to him seems… 

Pointless.

He really has to relearn everything.

And he wants to do it with him.

« Yes. »

Minho smiles.

« Take a shower, I am going to pack some things. » He says giving a peck on his plump lips.

He is clothing himself.

« Minho… »

« Yes ? »

« You really promise me that you will never leave me ? »

He turns around for seeing him. 

« I will never. I promise. I will always be here. »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes :
> 
> Hello you who is reading this.
> 
> First of all, I want to thank all of you for subscribing and reading this story. This is the first time I am publishing one of my stories. Which I admit, is still odd. But I am here, publishing what I am writing.
> 
> This chapter is quite short because it's a "transition" chapter. This is where everything will really start. 
> 
> This also means that it will not be all beautiful with rainbows everywhere. Some chapters will have the "Triggers Warning" because some things are not pleasant to read. Especially since it's about religion.
> 
> I was quite worried to publish this story because of the theme. Religion is so hard to treat. Hurting people's feeling because of their beliefs is the least thing I want to do.
> 
> I am not religious, but very spiritual. I like going to church or any places for praying. I found it very peaceful.
> 
> I am actually learning a lot about religion for this story. I'm reading a lot about what the Bible says about homosexuality or sexuality and pleasure in general. It's very interesting. 
> 
> I am also reading about priests who left the priesthood.
> 
> Basically, I don't want this story to be a "fantasy thing". What I mean is that I don't want to invent things about a subject I don't know. Things that will be in this story are inspired by true things that I've read, and by the Bible of course. Sometimes, there wil be little "*" for additional informations.
> 
> This is maybe confuse, but you will see in the future chapters. I have already around eight ideas that I am already writting while reading about the subject. 
> 
> All of that for saying : Thank you. (And sorry for my English mistakes. I am reading the chapter 10 times before publishing and I use a corrector but... There are still some grammar mistakes).
> 
> See you next chapter,
> 
> M.S


	4. Discovering

_Three years later..._

Taemin is cooking for dinner. 

Simultaneously he is looking out of the window in front of him.

His life has been crazy for three years.

Minho left to his parents a letter saying to not reach and leave him alone. 

Taemin left a letter to the church saying he voluntarily resigns from all of his function and that he leaves the priesthood.* 

They were shocked at the church. Taemin was the most religious priest they ever met. 

So when they read he was leaving, with just a letter and not even taking his furnitures, was odd.

But they respected his choice and sent him his furnitures some times after, which were just some clothes.

That doesn’t mean they didn’t ask question. 

Since it's a village, everything news are automatically known very quickly.

They found out that Choi Minho, the one who arrived some months ago, flew away from his parents' house with solely leaving a letter too. 

They established the connection. And it shook the parish. 

And not just only the parish, but the whole village.

Minho and him, with just two packages and Minho's car, runaway from the village. 

They drove away, not knowing where they will go. 

The first night they slept in a hotel. 

For one month they just drove around the country. 

Minho’s parents kept calling him every day. 

But he never answered them. 

Taemin had never been alright with that since day one. 

He implored him to sent a letter to them one year after they were stable. 

After this one month, they discovered a lovely city where Taemin completely fall for. 

Minho didn’t care at all where they would leave, just that Taemin was with him. 

It was hard at first. 

They lived in a little studio, and Minho found a job at the same time he continued his study. 

And Taemin…

He didn’t know what to do. 

His all purpose in life was the church. 

Since he was young.

He could have found a place which teach the Holy words, but he felt wrong knowing he just runaway from… 

These words. 

He still goes to church every Sunday. 

Minho comes with him too. 

But Taemin doesn’t know if he goes for his faith or just because himself goes.

He could have worked too. 

But Minho didn’t want it. 

He was extremely fragile.

He became a « houseman ». 

And to be honest, he quite like it. 

He is learning.

The first year was hard but later Minho found a better part-time job and it was much better.

Two years later, he graduated and obtained a place in a massive company.

Now they live in a quite expensive apartment in the center of the city. 

This life feels unreal. 

During these three years, Minho and Taemin didn’t have much time to throughly explore each other. 

Minho was working all weeks, between his part time job and university. 

It was hard for him. 

He was always tired.

They knew their age, what color they like, what food.

Essential things. 

But that’s it. 

They know nothing about each other personal life. 

It’s only been some months that they are doing it since Minho has started working in this vast company.

The only thing that they are sure, even if they don’t know a lot from each other, is that they are comfortable together. 

It feels pleasant for Minho to come home and kiss him. 

It feels pleasant for Taemin when Minho comes home and kisses him.

They are certain to not have made a wrong choice by flying away from where they were.

Taemin feels two pairs of arms enlacing him and a kiss on the side of his forehead. 

Minho just gets back from work.

« Hello you. »

« Hello. » He says blushing.

That’s also a thing Taemin is unused to even after these three years.

Physical contact. 

They have hugged, kissed and made love many times during these three years.

But just the simple touch makes him still blush. 

« Still blushing. » He says smiling.

« Stop with that ! How was work ? »

« Tiring, so many people. Oh, what’s that ? »

Minho seizes the letter in his hands, reading what was written. 

« Your parents. »

Minho just deposit the letter in the pile of the letters his parents send him.

« You don’t read it ? »

« For what ? I barely respond to their first letter because you urged me and that’s it. I don’t even know why I keep it. »

« Because I read them. But why ? They did nothing wrong… »

« They did. »

Taemin is interrogating him.

« … Did what ? »

« I don’t think you will want to hear about it »

« Tell me ! I want to know why since this three years you didn’t reach for talking to them ! And also… Why did they just allow you to go too ? If you were my son I would just do everything for searching and bringing him back home… Why did they… »

« BECAUSE I AM GAY ! » He shouts.

There is a silence. Too long for Minho taste.

« … What. I… I don’t understand. »

Minho just lets out a sight and sits while he grips his head in his hands. 

« Because… I am gay. I know I am gay since I am seven. When I fell in love with my best friend. When I kissed him for the first time just for « playing ». I didn’t have to hide it from my parents because I was very loud about it. How much I was loving my best friend and that I wanted to marry him. They tried correcting me. We left the city where my best friend was, they thought that maybe it was just with him. They thought it would change. But it wasn’t. At the age of ten, they sent me in a very catholic school. My parents asked them to discipline me, especially for me that being gay is a sin. But that didn’t work. Apart that I was left with a massive complex, that I was ashamed of who I was. I wasn’t that loud anymore. They still taught me this until I was fourteen, and seeing this isn’t working, they sent me to conversion therapy*. It was Hell. Literally Hell. I have been scream at, beaten, abused for proving me how wrong this was. And I ultimately believed it after four years. I was there four years, Taemin. My parents didn’t want me until I’ve « healed ». When my transformation was radical, my parents make me move out in a village. Far from the city, for keeping me away from the sin and hoping I will never be in this way again. I was forced to go to church every Sunday… »

He stops for a moment, preventing him from crying.

« But I’ve met you » He says looking at Taemin. « I’ve met you. And I’ve fallen in love with you. With a priest, ironically. My world was shattered again. It was all a lie. This four years of Hell were a lie. That’s why I’ve asked you constantly about love. About love between two men. You said to me it was a sin. Again. It was a sin. But this is me. This is what I am. »

He wipes his eyes.

« But then you said we don’t have to judge people. To change them. And that only God can judge us. And this is what my parents didn’t do. They judged me. They tried changing me. Even if you were a priest, even if you feel maybe today again that love between two men is a sin and that’s not love but pure lust, I will understand. But you didn’t judge me. You didn’t try changing me. You accepted me. You accepted my love or my lust I don’t care how you call it. You are here with me. For three years. Which my parents didn’t do since I am seven. This is why they are not reaching for me. They want to know what’s happening with letters because I am their son. I am their exclusive blood. But I am a sinner. I’m not worth to be reach and to be bring at home. Because they know why I left. And they know with who, since you were missing at the church. It was a double sin. I sinned. And I made a priest sinned. That’s the combo, you see ? The jackpot for going to Hell. »

Minho starts crying. 

He can’t take it anymore.

Taemin is heartbroken. 

He doesn’t know what to say to him. 

He just embraces him. 

Tightly. 

Trying to relax him. 

He even kisses his forehead, which he rarely does. 

« You know… Man or woman, I am a sinner at the end too. Because I am a priest. I gave my body to God. Which means that what we call making love is a sin for me. It’s lust. Whatever it is with a man or a woman. That’s why when you asked me if love between men is a sin was hard to answer. Because since I am a priest, it’s a sin whatever who it is. I said it wasn’t for a man and a woman because they gave life at the end. But it’s lust at the end too. They lust each other and at the end, there is life. I said there was love for them. But that’s not… true. When you think about it. It’s an utopia. Many people do one night stand. Some of them end with an unwanted baby. Where is love in that ? Love is a question too hard to answer. »

Minho is enlacing him even more.

« The only thing I can say is I am learning. I am trying to get away from this utopia that they taught me. Maybe some things I will say are hurtful. If that’s the case, correct me. But I am here. With you. For three years. I abandoned the church for you. The first night you kissed me… It felt divine. How can this be so wrong when it felt good. Maybe it is lust. Maybe it is love. I don’t know. I am sorry I’ve never said « I love you » to you during those three years. Because I don’t even know myself how I am supposed to call it. Lust ? Love ? Sin ? I don’t know. It’s confused. The sure thing is when you went to ask me questions at the church, I was happy. Feeling little butterflies in my stomach. I like being with you. Embracing you like I am doing. You promise me to be always there for me. But I am here for you, too. »

Taemin cups the cheek of Minho and place is forehead against his. 

« It’s not completely different at the end from when you had your conversion therapy. I didn’t experience what you lived, and I don’t think you want to talk about this in details now. But they only taught us one way of living. At the end, we achieve one thing : living. There is no proper at the end. Everyone has their own belief. We are just trying to live our best life with some principles and books like the Bible. At least there is one thing I am certain, is that I will always believe in God. No matter what.* »

Minho closes is eyes, feeling the thumbs on his cheeks drawing circles.

« You’re okay ? » He says whispering.

« Yes… But enough about my parents, why don’t you talk about yours too ? » He says gently.

Taemin's face darken. 

« Honey ? »

He just sighs.

« They died. »

Minho does a shocked face and embraces him.

« Oh… I’m… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have… »

« It’s alright, relax » He says caressing his cheek.

« How many… »

« Years ? It will be four years. They died one year after I became a priest in the village. »

« How were they ? »

« Wonderful parents. They were extremely supportive of me. Actually, my mother predicted I would be a priest when I was just four. She said to me that the first time I entered a church, I was in admiration. I will ask my mother every time « Mommy ! Mommy ! Can we go to the church ? ». I ended up causing my parents going to church every Sunday. They were not devoutly religious. But they went for me. When I was in elementary school, I’ve taken catechism at the church. I would go every time after school. Often, the priest was obligate to say to me « You should go now, it’s late ». In Middle School and High School, they sent me to a private catholic school. My parents were unrich at all.. My father in fact took a second job for paying me this school. They wanted that I have a normal scholarship but also do the things that I really desire. Therefore I graduated from High shcool, and the priest who taught us catechism at the school was wonderful because he aid me to being as soon as possible a part of a church. They taught me religious subjects for making me « graduate » into a priest. It’s what we call study seminar for making it short. But I knew already so much that I’ve passed some exams without attending the class. I did like one for saying but the one who was teaching us sees how bored I was because I already knew it. This is why I became a priest very early. Because I was in advance. My parents were extremely proud of me. »

Taemin smiles about it.

« But… One year after I went to the village, they took the car for visiting me. Bu my father lost the control of the car. It was in the mountain, steep. Their car rides all the way through the end of the mountain. »

Some tears fall on his cheeks.

« Sorry » He says wiping them. « That’s why I don’t really talk about it. Because it still hurts. I still also didn’t go to the house that they left me… »

« You possess a house ? »

« I’ve never told you ? »

« No… No I didn’t know. But it’s alright don’t affirm what I believe. Don’t feel bad because we started in a little studio and there was actually a house for living. You don’t want to go there and it’s fine. »

« Are you sure ? »

« Yes, it’s fine. Don’t worry. I understand. I didn’t talk about what my parents did to me too because it still hurts. Going to a place is even more hard. One day, we will. When you are ready. »

Taemin smiles at him and looks at the letters

« What do you want to do with these letters ? What makes you the most comfortable ? »

Minho looks back at them.

« Burning them. » 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes :
> 
> *Leaving the Priesthood : Actually, it's one of the thing I didn't really find precise informations. I know that if priests want to leave, they do it with the parish they are in. Like an agreement, if I can say it like that. But for Catholics, I don't know if they have to ask the Pope, since he is the "chief". I know back then in Europe, when the Clergy was important (at least, I am speaking for my country, in France) and was the religion of state, leaving the priesthood was forbidden. Until you asked the Vatican, which means the Pope itself. It was ever more hard for women, especially when the majority of them were forced to be nuns. (I recommend Diderot's book "La Religieuse". This show explicitly how it was back then). If you escaped by yourself, it was death. If I found more informations, I will post it on later chapters.
> 
> *Conversion Therapy : For people who don't know what it is, we need to understand how this exist before explaining it. People who created this believe that being homosexual, bisexual, transgender or any forms of LGBTQ+ people, is a mental disease. Since it's a mental disease, they need therapy. Which leads to the creation of conversion therapy for turning those people into straight people. Those conversions therapies have of course a link with the religious. Minho's story explain it why he was send there. And when he said it was Hell, it really is. There will be a chapter about it in more details, but for giving you an idea, people who get out of it have twice more likely to commit suicide. Some methods are atrocious, and it's not just in terms of brainwashing but also physically...
> 
> See you next chapter,
> 
> M.S


	5. Kiss Me

« Can I ask you something ? »

Snow is falling outside. 

The moon is shining brightly. 

Taemin and Minho are on the couch, enlaced, with a big blanket around them. 

Taemin supports his back on Minho torso, while the concerned one secured his arms around him, his head in the crook of his lovely neck. 

A movie is on TV, not very engrossed by it. 

Some hot chocolate is on the table.

An ideal and lovely night.

« Yes ? » Taemin says almost as a whisper.

« How did you … How did you felt when I've kissed you ? »

Taemin smiles at that.

« At first, I was terrified. I mean, not because of the kiss but the way you acted just before. When you said to not touch you and why I was doing this to you. I didn’t understand a thing about what was happening. Now that you explain to me what happened with your parents, I comprehend better why you acted like that. I’ve fallen when you kissed me. As you can see, I am here with you. »

« I did the same way too when I’ve kissed you. I’ve fallen. »

« Yes that’s true. At the end, we are in a similar position : broken and learning. Like falling angels. » He says laughing.

« Are you comparing us with Lucifer ? »

« No ! I wouldn’t dare to do that. »

Minho laughs.

« But about the kiss ? What did you feel ? » 

He sights.

« Are you sure you want to hear about it ? »

« Yes, I want. »

« I kept repeating in my head that it was a sin. »

There is a silence.

« I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. It makes you uncomfortable. »

« No. Not at all, it’s okay. »

He pinches his lips.  


« But… I don’t understand why you didn’t push me away. »

« Push you ? »

« Yeah. For stopping me. Since you thought it was a sin. »

Taemin is blushing.

« …You liked it ? » He says grinning. 

« … Kind of ? I mean… Ah, this is embarrassing... Why are we having this conversation… »

« Hey ! Hey ! Don’t try cutting it ! You liked ? »

« … Yes. It felt pleasant. My mind was screaming hysterically no but my body was telling me yes in short. And I’ve listened to my body. Even if I was fighting a little for detaching me of you.»

Taemin looks at Minho face. 

He is grinning from ear to ear. 

« Happy for knowing about it as I see. »

« Oh yes. A lot. Now I know you like it when I kiss you » He says with a peck.

« Noooo ! Don’t utilize it as a form of teasing ! »

« It’s too late for that ~ »

An another one.

« What type of kiss do you like in particular ? ~ » He says teasing.

« Minho ! »

« Please, tell me… I want to know everything. It’s been three years. I think you should know some things that you appreciated some more than other, no ? »

Taemin is blushing. 

Needless to say, he appreciates some things more than other. 

He discovered a lot during those three years. 

And not only with Minho, but also alone. 

He discovered some pleasant spots on his body.

He faces Minho for sitting on his laps. 

He is blushing even more when Minho takes his chin for making him looking in his eyes.

« So, pretty boy ? »

« This is embarrassing... »

« Maybe. But you will not regret it. »

He hides is head in the crouch of Minho’s neck, sighting. 

« I… I just like when our kiss is… Sloppy ? » He says in a whisper.

« Sloppy ? » He grins.

« I mean… I like it when it graduates slowly and we finish by French kissing… »

Taemin feels the vibration of Minho's laugh through his torso.

« How dare you to laugh ! I should have never told you ! » He said knocking him.

Minho just embraces him more tighter and puts his forehead on Taemin’s one. 

« Don’t be embarrassed about it. If I ask youit’s because I want to know. You are my lover. I want I want to do everything for pleasuring you. And it includes this. I want to know every part of you. What you like and dislike. »

Taemin is embarrassed by this confession. 

He loves it so much when Minho looks at him like that.

With… _Loving eyes ?_

He doesn’t know how to properly call it but Minho’s eyes are so gentle and so pure. 

He would look at it forever.

Minho gently caresses his rosy cheek, his plump lips with his thumb by brushing it.

« How about I properly take care of those glossy lips from this pretty boy ? » He says in a whisper.

Taemin just feels his breathing stop. 

He bites his lower lips.

It is enough for Minho for instantly starting to tenderly kiss him. 

Just little pecks at the start. 

Like he is tasting it.

At a point, it becomes a real kiss.

Like they are savoring each other.

Minho does just what Taemin has told him. 

He is graduating. 

French kissing.

Sloppy. 

Tongue. 

But not fast. 

They appreciate each other mouth the most they can. 

This is where Taemin likes it the most. 

Some little whimpers can be heard from him. 

Without breaking the passionate kiss, Minho shuts down the TV.

He sets Taemin legs around him and transports him to the bedroom.

With a kick of his foot, he closes the door.

Kissing will maybe not just the exclusive thing he will learn about what Taemin likes tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes :
> 
> Hello everybody. I am very sorry for not posting. 
> 
> No, I didn't forgot about this story. 
> 
> But I prefer to be honest with you.
> 
> (TW) 
> 
> I am in depression. I'm not going to tell in detail how but, I am sick. 
> 
> I have tone of ideas for this story. 
> 
> But I can't even get out of bed sometimes. Just like today. I was in bed until 8PM because I needed to eat (I just eat a plain slice of bread) for taking my medication and taking a shower. And I forced myself. It was hard.
> 
> My mind is kind of bad those days. I guess it's because we are coming to the date. 
> 
> Just for saying that it's hard for me. I am constantly tired because I don't sleep at all at night (it's 2AM here for giving you an idea). This is frustrating because I can't get up in the morning because I don't sleep. 
> 
> It's like a vicious circle.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for your patience. I've just write this little thing because I had my computer open and I was reading what I've wrote until now. 
> 
> Take care of you everyone.
> 
> See you next chapter,
> 
> M.S


	6. Existential Crisis

Taemin is unwell.

He is lost. 

Completely lost. 

He is asking himself what he is doing here with Minho. 

Why he is with him.

Why did he allowed his body to kiss him. 

Why he is not in the church preaching the divine Holy Word that he trusted and believed so much.

The hot water is running through his now sinful body.

He doesn’t even know if he loves Minho. 

He doesn’t even know how to call this feeling he has with him. 

Apart from Lust. 

Because this is the only thing he has been taught. 

« Taemin ? »

He wakes up from his thoughts.

« Yes ? »

« Are you alright ? It’s been five minutes I’ve been calling you. »

He doesn’t respond.

« Taemin I am entering, okay ? I know we set rules about it but you are worrying me. »

The specific rules that he is talking about are about the nudity. 

Apart when they have intimacy, they don’t see each other naked. 

In the shower. 

Or any another room. 

They dress up separately. 

Minho doesn’t mind. 

Taemin is his lover, seeing him naked is normal.

But for Taemin, this is an another story. 

He is unused to this. 

Minho saw he was uncomfortable about that, so he set those rules for his comfort.

Taemin starts to be stressed. 

Minho cautiously opens the door, feeling the hotness of the room on his skin.

He opens the curtain, seeing Taemin… completely lost and looking at the wall, water running on his body.

« Taemin ? » He says caressing his shoulder.

But Taemin just kicks his hand away. 

Minho's eyebrows frown.

_« What the hell is happening… »_

« Taemin ? Taemin answer me. Tell me what’s wrong please… Let me help… »

Taemin just lets himself in a foetus position. 

And start to cry.

This is when Minho instantly realized what is wrong. 

In fact, it is not the first time.

Existential crisis.

Taemin did that many time. 

Minho lost the number of times he did it. 

During those times, he doesn’t know what to do at all.

« Hey… Hey Taemin… Come here… » He says trying to embrace him.

« Don’t touch me…. »

« Taemin… »

« DON’T TOUCH ME WITH YOURS SINFUL HANDS ! »

« Deep breath Minho. Deep breath. » 

During those times, there is only one solution. 

He grips him by force.

« LET ME DOWN ! YOU SINNER ! LET ME DOWN ! »

Minho is completely wet by the water, but he doesn’t care. 

He leads Taemin to their bedroom with a towel around him.

He places him on the bed.

« Now, you are listening to me. »

« I don’t listen to a sinner. »

« Taemin… »

« I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME WITH YOUR HANDS, SINNER ! »

He gets into the bathroom and locks it. 

He hears him crying hysterically.

Taemin had existential crisis, but not this strong. 

Minho doesn’t know what to do. 

He just lets this pass.

Let him calm down alone.

But Taemin gets out of the room, fully clothed. 

Eyes puffy and red with abundant tears falling down. 

He goes to the principal entrance of the apartment and put his shoes on.

« Where are you going ? »

« That’s none of your business, sinner. »

And he leaves.

*~*

Taemin is sitting on the bench.

Looking at the cross in front of him. 

Jesus being crucified.

His mind is foggy. 

Confused. 

He heards the door of the church being open.

Some steps can be heard from afar, but they approach more and more closer. 

Until the person comes sitting just beside him.

Minho.

Minho.

Minho.

And Minho.

Just this name is inside the head of Taemin.

Some tears start to fall on his cheeks, still looking at Jesus.

Minho naturally takes his hand in his. Taemin is squeezing it.

So afraid that he will go away.

So afraid that he will run away from him. 

Because he’s not worth it for Minho.

He never showed him physical affection.

He never said « I love you ».

Things that Minho says and does every day. 

The first thing in the morning that Minho does is taking him in his passionate embrace and tenderly kissing him.

The last thing he says in the night is not « Good Night », but « I love you ».

He never did a thing like that for him.

« I knew you will be here… » Minho says in a whisper. 

Taemin carefully turns his head toward him. Abundant tears falling, eyes puffy and red.

« Why do you keep coming seeking me… »

« Because I love you. I love you. I love you and I love you. I could say this all my life. »

« Loving me ? » He says mocking. « I barely do the quarter of what you do to me, and you love me. » 

« And I’m fine with that. We’ve talked about it. I will wait until you feel comfortable for giving affection to me. For saying those three words to me. Until you don’t think anymore that what you feel to me, that our physical affection is not a sin. I said I would wait. And this is what I do, I’m waiting. You are my lover. »

« I don’t deserve being called your lover… »

« Why do you believe that ? »

« Because lovers typically do what is in the word : loving. And they feel they love for each other. You are the only one thinking that. I don’t even know how to entitle it. I just think this is an unpardonable sin… It’s a just sin… »

« Prove me that this is a sin. »

Taemin takes the Bible on the bench, instantly opening at one particular page.

« _Leviticus 20:13 : If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads._ »

Minho smirks.

« You think it’s funny ? »

« No. But what you stated can be pretty debatable actually. »*

« How ? This is the God’s words. He said it. »

« He said it, so it’s true ? »

« Yes. It is. Because He is always right. »

« So you sincerely believe everything that is in this book ? »

« Yes. »

« So why are you with me ? »

Taemin looks at him genuinely surprised.

« If you naturally think that the affection we have, when I say « I love you » is a unforgivable sin, why are you here with me ? Why did you follow me ? You could have rejected me. Pushed me. But you didn’t. You embraced it. You said your mind was telling you « no ». But you didn’t listen to your mind. You listened to your feeling. What you felt. Just like you naturally felt your love for God and you naturally became a priest. You felt. And that’s the most primary thing in life, feeling. There is something important you forgot in that verse you said. You believe it’s unright because it’s written. But do you naturally feel, inside you, that it is right ? It’s extremely different between what you think and what you feel about what is written. I used to think it was unright. Because it was written, and this is what some people taught me. But do I feel this is right ? No. Not at all. I don’t feel this is right. Do you understand what I mean ? »

Minho places his hand on the heart of Taemin.

« Feel. Listen attentively to your inner you. Don’t think, just feel. »

Taemin starts crying heavily. 

He goes in the protecting arms of Minho, the concerned one enlacing him tightly. 

It’s long. 

And though. 

But Taemin knows that Minho is right. 

He needs to feel. 

To listen inside of him.

Just like he did when Minho kissed him the first time.

He looks back at him.

Minho gently places his hands on his rosy cheeks, tenderly caressing it and moving the tears at the same time.

« What do you desire right now ? What do you feel ? »

In a whisper, almost inaudible, only for Minho to hear it.

« Kiss me… »

Embracing him, this is what he does. 

Passionately kissing those plump lips he loves so much. 

Embracing his body that he loves so much.

Just loving him.

Taemin loves the feeling. 

The feeling of being loved. 

Having these sensual lips on him. 

Clutching the collar of Minho’s shirt for putting him closer to him.

He loves the fact that they remain in a church. 

That they are kissing in front of Jesus.

Of Maria. 

Of God.

He loves this feeling of showing to Them that he wants to be happy. 

To feel passionately being loved by someone, no matter their gender. 

This is what God wants, no ? Being loved and giving love to others.

They detach from the kiss.

« Minho… »

« Yes… »

« You will never leave me, right ? »

Minho smirks.

« Never. I promise. »

Taemin smiles and put his head in the crook of his neck.

« We go home, honey ? »

He just shakes his head. 

Hands in hands, they leave the church, heading home.

It will be long and tough.

But it will be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes :
> 
> Hello everyone ! Happy new year ! Hope you will have a wonderful year and good things will happen to you !
> 
> I am feeling much better. 2020 starts very well for me. I've actually took some decisions that is increasing my mood in a better way and figured out myself more. Hope it will continue like that !
> 
> *When Minho said that it's debatable, it is. If you believe that the Bible is written by the hands of God, it's an another story. But if you look at it in a historic point of view, it's interesting. When my major in college was History of Art, I had theology. But in a historic way, not like a religious person learning. And I remember that my teacher said at one part that we were studying that it was actually a reflection of what was happening at the time for those people (It was the book of Genesis. I don't remember exactly but it was about the people living in Babylonia). And about the Leviticus part here, I actually did some research about it and it's kind of the same way. It was like making a difference between their monotheist religion and the polytheist one at the time. Because in some polytheist religions (at least Greek, Roman, Egyptian if we take the place where the Bible was born), love between two men was not a "sin" if I can say it like that. Homosexuality was a term that didn't exist. Loving the two genders actually was kind of the norm. The only thing that made the distinction was the "active" and the "passive" in sexual intercourse (in Yaoi terms, Uke-Seme for giving you a better idea). Being the "passive" one was actually seeing as a "sin". But not the relation himself. 
> 
> All of that to say that it was for making a distinction from the others religions. 
> 
> See you next chapter,
> 
> M.S


	7. Again

Transparent sheets.

White pillows.

Golden moon.

Shining gloriously in the room. 

Making glimpses the shadows of these two bodies.

Making shine their glossy skins.

A tanned one.

A fair one.

Sweat.

Sweat all over these bodies.

Reflecting the shine of the glorious moon.

Enlaced. 

The pale one on the tanned laps.

Tanned hands on his glossy back.

Slipping on his hips.

Gripping it.

Leaving handprint marks.

Touching his butt.

Gripping it.

Caressing his fair tights. 

Passionately kissing his lovely neck.

Slowly. 

Hickeys.

Hickeys all over.

Thrusts. 

Thrusting deeply. 

Slow.

Feeling every inch of him. 

Scratch.

Scratch on his tanned back.

Feeling the nails of his enthusiastic lover at every thrust he does.

Gripping.

Gripping his tanned shoulders.

Gripping his hair every time he does a hickey on his fair skin.

Moans.

Moans at every thrust.

Telling him to go deeper.

Surprised. 

Feeling the transparent sheets on his back.

His head on the fluffy pillow.

Seeing his tanned lover contemplating him up and down.

Seeing how breathless he is.

How sweaty he is.

How many hickeys he receives.

How his glowing cheeks are tainted of red because of the look he is giving.

Feeling his tanned hand traveling on his graceful neck.

His thumbs tenderly touching his plump lips.

Taking his tanned thumb between his rosy lips.

Feeling his other hand traveling through his fair torso. 

Passing his dexterous fingers on his nipples.

Going through his stomach. 

His tanned hands under his knees. 

Gently pushing them apart and against his fair torso.

Thrusting.

Thrusting.

Enjoying the knock of pleasure at every thrust. 

_« Deeper… »_

Moans.

Screaming.

Instantly putting his hand in front of his plump lips.

Not knowing where placing his hands.

Embarrassed of the unique sound he is making. 

Blushing.

His tanned lover bending over him.

Not wanting him to hide.

Dearly wanting to perceive distinctly the sound he is naturally making.

His fair lover placing his arms around his tanned shoulders.

Moaning in his ears.

Loving feeling his fervent kisses on his pale neck.

Loving the countless numbers of hickeys he is putting on it.

Enjoying the slow pace.

Loving how deep he is thrusting.

_« More… More… Please… »_

Loving how he never said no since the beginning of the glorious night.

Loving how he never said no every time he wanted to make love to him again.

Loving how the sweat on his precious skin is showing brightly.

Loving how they made love so many times that his hair is wet by the sweat.

Loving the visible bruises on his graceful neck.

Loving his handprints on his hips. 

Loving how his plump lips are so red from being abused. 

Loving feeling his delicious breath on his skin. 

Loving every touch of his fair hand on him.

Loving how is fair lover his begging through his ear.

Loving how hard he is gripping his ample shoulders.

_« Again… Please… Again… Please… Don’t stop… Again… Again ! Again ! Again ! »_

Vocals.

Hearing the volume rise. 

Wondering when his musical voice will break through all the moans.

Deeper.

Deeper.

Faster.

Sensual lips. 

Kissing.

French kissing.

Feeling the harmonic vibration of his moan through his throat.

Whispering passionately.

Whispering passionately on his lips.

_« Close… Too close… No… No… I don’t want… No… »_

Stroking. 

Screaming.

Gripping the sheets on the side of his head. 

Closing his eyes.

His fair legs shaking.

Breathing.

Catching your breath.

Sexual tension falling.

Feeling a hand caressing his tight.

An another his hair.

Carefully opening his eyes.

Seeing two lovely brown iris looking tenderly at him.

With so much lovely word in it.

Feeling that his tanned lover is still inside him.

Feeling that he is undone yet.

Enlacing his lower back with his graceful legs.

Enlacing his ample shoulders with his arms.

Pressing his heels on his lower back. 

Hearing his tanned lover moans because of the considerable pressure, making him go deeper.

_« More… Again… Please again… Please… Please… »_

Begging.

Loving hearing him begging.

Smiling.

Taking his plump lips.

Raising himself.

Looking at him up and down.

Feeling a knock of delicious pleasure in his tanned belly.

Seizing his hips.

Biting his glossy lips.

Thrusting.

Moans.

Scratches. 

Nails on his abs. 

On his pecs.

Gripping the sheets. 

Closing his eyes.

Enjoying the knock of pleasure at every thrust.

_« Again ! Again ! Again ! Please again ! »_

Moans.

Sweat.

Thrusting.

_Again._

_Again._

_And again._


	8. Childhood House

Taemin gently feels caresses on his back.

Opening slowly his eyes, he instantly sees Minho looking at him with lovely eyes.

« Morning, Honey… » He says in a whisper.

« Morning… »

Enjoying his tight being caressed by his dear lover, he recalls what they did last night.

He blushes… 

Harshly.

« Thinking about last night ? » He says softly and jokingly.

Taemin puts his head in the crook of his neck as an answer, enveloping himself in the sheets for hiding his nudity.

Minho enlaces him tighter, posing a tender kiss on his head.

« It was perfect last night… » He whispers passionately. « Lovely and perfect… »

Taemin can’t deny it.

He can’t deny how much he didn’t want him to stop. 

But he feels utterly ashamed at the same time.

He nevertheless thinks…

It’s a sin.

A terrible sin.

But at the same time he did enjoy the feeling. 

The knock of pleasure inside his belly.

But he feels guilty for enjoying this pleasure. 

Because he had learnt it was wrong. 

Immoral.

That he broke the principle of chastity.

Even more when the two people are unmarried.

Even more when it’s two men doing it.

Even more when one of them was a priest.

It’s so confused for him…

« You are having a mental debate right now… »

« Sorry… »

« Don’t be. It’s normal. I will not ask you what you feel about last night right now. Only just hearing you saying « again » and your moans are enough for me… »

Taemin blushes even more.

« You don’t have work today ? » He says for subtly changing the subject.

« No, I had a day off that I could take. And it’s today. »

He just nods.

« Do you want to do something in particular today ? Apart from resting in bed and making love all day… »

Taemin punches him, making Minho chuckles.

Gently letting his hands caressing Minho chest, he is thinking.

He looks at him with a deep expression.

« Have I gone too far with my words ? » He says tenderly caressing his rosy cheek with a worried expression.

« No… It’s alright. It’s just… »

He is nibbling his lips.

« Do you… Want to go to my parents house with me, today ? »

Minho is surprised.

« Absolutely, yes. Are you sure you are ready for this ? »

« Yes… I want to go there… With you… »

« I am extremely honored to be the one going with you. »

Taemin smiles. 

He snuggles on Minho more. 

Minho seizes the sheets for properly hiding Taemin’s nudity, for him being comfortable being nude with him.

The aftermath has always been kind of hard for Taemin, and Minho knows it. 

He still has made much progress with nudity. 

But some little things like that makes him naturally feel great and comfortable being nude with Minho after a loving session.

He always makes sure to have a good aftermath for him.

« Can we stay like that a little longer… » Taemin whispers.

« We can stay like that all day if you want… »

Taemin completely closes his eyes. 

Feeling the gentle hand of Minho caressing him smoothly. 

He even ends up sleeping a little more.

When he wakes up, he looks at the time. 

10 A.M.

« We should wake up… » He says not awake.

« Is it far ? »

« Two hours from here. »

« I thought it was more. But indeed we should wake up. You go to shower first ? »

« Yes. »

Taemin gets up, enveloping himself in the sheets.

« Taemin ? »

« Yes ? »

Minho takes his chin and kiss him. 

He promptly stops the kiss, his eyes still closed.

« I am not looking… You can go. »

« Thank you. »

When Minho hears the door of the bathroom closing, he uncloses his eyes and puts some underwear and looks at the used sheets.

« … Never thought they will be this dirty one day. » He mumbles.

*~*

They are practically there.

It is actually at the border of one of the biggest cities. 

But not completely in the country side either.

Minho parks the luxury car in front of the house. 

Houses are expensive. 

But Taemin said that his parents were not that rich and he understands why. 

It is a house, but a very tiny and modest house. 

Still cute, he thinks. 

Taemin goes out of the car, standing in front of the house.

« So many pleasant memories are coming back… » He mumbles.

« Are you okay ? »

« Yes… It’s so odd to come back here after these years. »

Taemin puts the keys out of his pocket and carefully opens the wooden door.

It is dark, but they can smell the dust.

He goes to open the flaps, allowing the lights coming and ventilate the familiar rooms.

The tiny living room and the kitchen are in the same room. 

A fireplace at the center seems to be the only heater in the house. 

There are two bedrooms : one for Taemin and one for his parents. 

A bathroom and toilet separate. 

Each room contains just essentials furnitures. 

It is indeed, very modest.

« It’s lovely. »

« It’s compact, but I like it. This is where I grew up after all… »

Minho looks at the lovely pictures on the shelf. 

One of them is Taemin as a child, smiling with a balloon in his hand. 

An another at his First Communion. 

And when he became a priest with his parents beside him. 

« You were so adorable when you were young. » He says smiling.

« You think ? » He says blushing and playing nervously with his turtle neck for hiding his hickeys.

« Yes. You look innocent. Knowing what you want. »

« It’s true that I knew what I desired already… »

« Your parents look lovely too. They seem like posed people. You resemble to your father a lot. »

« Absolutely, my parents were indeed like that. And that’s accurate, I resemble a lot to my father. » He laughs.

Taemin is looking fondly at the photos.

« Want to come to my bedroom ? »

« Sure, Honey. »

Taemin cautiously opens the door of his own bedroom. 

It is extremely simple, just like the other room. 

There is a big Christian cross made of wood on top of his bed, a shelf with multiples books and a desk with a chair. 

That’s all.

« This is so odd to coming back here… « He says sitting on the bed.

Minho is looking at the shelf with the books. 

Practically all of them are about catholicism. 

There are books for learning ancient greek and latin and multiples versions of the Bible. 

Various translations, and in other languages like in latin or Italian. 

One in fact captures Minho interest. 

It is the tiniest Bible out of all of them. 

Quite rusty, old. 

He carefully opens the first page.

_« 25 December, 1998. For our precious son, that we love a lot. Mummy and Daddy. »_

« It was my first Bible. »

Minho looks back at him.

« Really ? »

« Yes. I was five. My mother was trying to make me learning how to read, but I only wanted to learn with the Bible. As a result they bought it for Christmas. It was my first gift. »

Minho sits beside Taemin, the Bible still in his hand.

He is grave.

« Are you alright ? » Taemin asks worried.

« I… I want you to tell me your convictions »

« My convictions ? »

« What you believed before I ruined everything. »

Taemin's eyebrows lift up. 

« You didn’t ruin everything. »

« I did. I’m not saying this to feel bad. It’s just a fact. »

« I don’t think « ruin » should be the right term. Seeing a new perspective that I’ve never thought of should be more correct. »

Minho's eyebrows frown.

« That you’ve never thought of ? What do you mean ? »

« That I will be with a man. Or with someone in general. »

« You never thought of… Dating ? »

« No. To be honest I’ve never questioned my sexuality. »

« Never ? »

« Never. I wasn’t interested in a relationship at all. Girl or boy. My only love was God. »

« And from looking at it now, do you know ? »

« Not really. But looking back, I’ve always been more fascinated at seeing the Christ with practically no clothes on and crucified than seeing Maria all cover up… Maybe it gives a hint. »

Minho laughs.

« It was like that for me too when I was in church. »

« Really ? »

« Yes… My thoughts were already unorthodox. I was a lost case for Christianity. »

They chuckle.

« So ? About your convictions ? »

« That’s a vast subject… »

« I think the principles themes should be enough. »

« Which ones ? »

« The ones that are torturing you right now. Love between men. Pleasure. Sex. All of those things that you had left behind and actually never thought of for being a priest. »

Taemin sighs.

« I see… How do you want me to explain it ? »

« What makes you comfortable. »

« Maybe just like in church the last time… It was clear enough I think. »

Taemin takes the Bible of Minho hands. Flipping through it.

« I think… Starting with pleasure should be the most logical. Because as a priest, it is forbidden. And that doesn’t even mean pleasure with someone, man or woman. But yourself. »

« Why ? »

« Because you gave your body to God. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Our body is sacred and a member of the Christ Himself »

Flipping through the Bible, Taemin refers to some verses for proving his point.

« _1 Corinthian 3:16 : Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst ?_

_2 Corinthians 6:16 : What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: « I will live with them and walk among them, and will be their God, and they will be my people. »_ »

« I see… You are a representation of God on Earth. »

« Representation is a bit too far, but I am like a messenger. A role model. I am supposed to demonstrate the prime example of what is God. »

« Which means ? »

«Which means that I should not defile my body. If I do, it’s like I defile God himself. I should show chastity. Look here :

_1 Corinthians 6:15-20 : 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body ? For it is said, « The two will become one flesh. » 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commit are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God ? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies._ »

« I think it says enough indeed. Sex represents a sin. »

« Not sex himself, but sexual immorality. »

« It’s… quite the same, no ? »

« No, if it was there will be no human on Earth anymore » He laughs. « It’s more like this :

_Colossians 3:5 : Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry._

_Ezekiel 23:49 : You will suffer the penalty for your lewdness and bear the consequences of your sins of idolatry. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign LORD._ »

Minho is terribly confused.

« … I don’t understand. »

« What « sexual immorality » means is that outside of a man and a woman, being married and procreate for giving life, this is immoral. »

« So you are telling me that outside of having children, everything else is forbidden ? »

« Basically yes. And they have to be married, it’s crucially fundamental. This is why pleasure is forbidden for a priest. Because since you gave your body to God, that means no marriage, so no procreation. You are married to Him. So it’s considered as a terrible sin. »

« So…No… ? »

« Masturbation ? No. It’s a terrible sin. It is perceived as a form of « mental pornography ». »

« And you never expressed any interest in that ? »

« No, I didn’t. »

« And… After I came into your life ? »

Taemin blushes.

« Yes… I mean… Because you introduce me to pleasure. But if I hadn’t encountered you, I wouldn’t. I wasn’t interested in it. I still feel ashamed about doing it… »

He nibbles his lips.

« You know… If I left the priesthood and runaway with you it’s because my convictions were broke. I didn’t see me going back to church like nothing had happened. I couldn’t. It will be hypocrite of mine. It’s like I was lying to myself. Saying that it was easy to voluntarily leave will be a deliberate lie because all my life has been based on this. But remaining a priest after that… No, I just can’t… I instantly felt like I betrayed God. And… I couldn’t lie to myself that what I did was enjoyable. That I’ve enjoyed what I have done. With you. I enjoy being with you in general. When you went to politely ask me some questions after every masses. I loved it. I was so happy to be Sunday because that means I would see you. I don’t know if it was « love » but I enjoyed your company back then. »

He smiles gently at him.

« And you made me seen an another possible way of life. That I’ve never been interested in before, like pleasure. It’s not all black and white. It’s more complicated than that. I am extremely grateful for what you did all these years but at the same time, I feel terrible because I feel like I have betrayed myself. And not myself, but… Also my parents. »

« Your parents ? Why ? »

« Because they did everything for me. For being a priest. And abandoning it feels like I have betrayed them… Would they have accepted it that everything they have done for me, working twice more for paying Catholic school, sending me away, has been for nothing ? »

« I think they would. »

« How can you know that ? »

« Because if they did that, it was for making you happy. They did that because they loved you. You said yourself your parents were not fervent believers. »

Taemin is sobbing. 

Minho takes him in his protecting arms.

« They nothing but desire their dear son to be happy. If it wasn’t the priesthood, it would be an another thing. That’s not important to them. Just as long you are happy, they are. That’s what I believe. »

« But… Would they have accepted it that I left the priesthood for a man ? » He says detaching himself.

« It’s in fact my following question about your convictions. I don’t think they would have mind, but I would like to hear your beliefs about it. Because I don’t think pleasure is the major tantrum you have against me. »

Taemin feels bad thinking about it. 

He knows that he takes Minho as a punching ball.

« You recall the verse at the church ? »

« Yes, I do »

« That is one of them. Here are some others : 

_Romans 1:26-28 : For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done._

_1 Corinthians 6:9-10 : Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God._

_Jude 1:7 : Just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding cities, which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire._

_Genesis 19:1-38 : The two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them and bowed himself with his face to the earth and said, « My lords, please turn aside to your servant's house and spend the night and wash your feet. Then you may rise up early and go on your way. » They said, « No; we will spend the night in the town square. » But he pressed them strongly; so they turned aside to him and entered his house. And he made them a feast and baked unleavened bread, and they ate. But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot, « Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them. » …_ »

« Ah yes… » Minho sighs. « Sodom and Gomorrah.. How can I forget about that… »

« You know the story ? »

« That was one of the only thing they « taught » us in conversion therapy. »

« I am sorry… »

« It’s not your fault. These are the reasons why you feel guilty about being with me ? »

« A massive part, yes. You see, it’s a sin. It is clearly written, and it’s not even a question of being a priest here. »

« And do you recall what I declared in the church ? »

« Naturally, yes. Feeling. At the time it felt right. It’s less, today. But, I nevertheless think it’s legit in my convictions. It doesn’t mean it wouldn’t change in the future. It already changed, you make me see new ones. »

« If you are here with me, I think it says enough. »

« Maybe. » He smiles.

« I am not saying that you are right or wrong for believing in it. But you do not judge the others about their beliefs if they are different from you and I sincerely appreciate that. » 

« _Matthew 7:1-2 : 1 Do not judges, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. It’s the first thing that the Bible taught us._ »

« A considerable majority of Christians should properly read their own book I think. »

« I absolutely agree with you to be honest. The Bible just teaches us love. It’s up to you after to believe to it or not. If you think sex before marriage represents a sin for example, fine. And if it’s written in the Bible for proving your point, good. It’s your belief. But don’t force people to believe in your convictions and saying there is only one way of thinking in the world. This is so wrong. Religion is between you and God only. »

« I think we represent an excellent example, no ? »

« Indeed. But I think it’s more complicated than that for us. You have your story too. Everyone has their story. »

« Can I ask you a touchy question ? »

« Sure. »

« If I didn’t kiss you after I made my confession, what would have you done ? »

Taemin thinks, playing with his hands.

« I would have told you to choose the most suitable path for you. If you were comfortable with the fact that you are gay, I don’t see anything wrong. If you felt like you didn’t betray God and that you still love him, where is the problem ? »

Minho makes a wince.

« I said something wrong ? »

« No… Not at all… I feel terribly bad right now that’s all… »

« Why ? »

« You had your purpose in life, what you genuinely liked. And I ruined everything. I am terribly ashamed. I am consistently saying to you that it will take time for you to see the light. Like what you believe is unacceptable. But… I was the one who has destroy your purpose. I feel like I’ve judged you and that your way of thinking was wrong when you didn’t harm anybody. It is solely… Your convictions. That’s all »

« It’s normal for you to think like that. You had some traumatic experience in the past. One day you will tell me about it, I know. Don’t feel bad, it’s alright. »

Taemin flips through one of a page in particular.

« I think this one is my favorite verse from the Bible. And it ends all the debate, belief or any other thing about what we have said until now. »

There is a charming smile on Taemin's face, smile that Minho loves so much.

« _1 John 4:8 : Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love._ »

He looks affectionately at Minho.

« I think it says enough no ? At least, about you. You don’t have to feel guilty for what you did to me. You dearly love. And that’s the most fundamental thing. If it was that bad to me, I wouldn’t be here with you. That’s what you said, remember ? When you kissed me in front of God. Displaying your affection to me. And I received it in front of Him. »

Taemin takes Minho hands and enlace his fingers with him, letting his head on his shoulder.

« It doesn’t mean I didn’t accept it. And that is not what you call « love ». I just need time. Time for giving you the same thing. And not feeling guilty about it. Not feeling that this is a sin and that my head is going to explode. That what I feel is maybe love. You were already extremely comprehensive, but informing you everything that I’ve learnt and believed, you understand even more. Because I still believe in some of these things. Even if it’s hurtful for you. It makes me in pain too, knowing that it hurts you. It’s so confused in my mind. But everything will find it's place. »

Minho gently kisses the top of his head.

« I am immensely proud of you… »

« I know… »

They just look at each other. 

Minho can't resist and kisses those plump lips. 

He loves so much how day by day it is easier for kissing his lover. 

How he accepts more his physical affection. 

« You know what verse I need to integrate has my conviction ? »

« Tell me… »

« _1 Peter 4:8 : Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sin._ »

« It’s indeed an absolutely excellent verse… I should have it as my conviction too. »

« I think you already possess it. But now we can make it together. There are so many verses about love… »

« Together ? »

« I want you to be one of my conviction, Minho. »

He feels pure joy hearing that. 

Himself being a conviction.

_« I cherish him so much… »_

« You know which one remains my favorite and summarizes everything between us ? » asks tenderly Minho.

« I would love hearing it… »

« _1 Corinthians 13:4-8 : Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away._ »

« I love it… I love it so much… »

Taemin enlaces him. 

Minho returns the hug, kissing the top of his head and playing with the hair at the back of his neck.

« What do you want to do with the house ? » He whispers.

« I don’t know at all… I don’t want to sell it… »

« How about we live here ? »

« Live ? But it’s so much smaller than our apartment. It’s rusty and it’s far away from your work. »

« I can find an another job. I can create my own company too. It’s not far from the city, I can go by car. And we can do some works. It’s maybe tinier, but I love it. It feels really like home. It’s intimate. »

« Are you certain ? »

« I am certain. I know you want to live here. »

Taemin chuckles.

« I remain an open book… »

« About that, yes. »

Minho takes Taemin chin in his hand, making him looking at his deer eyes.

« I love you, and want to live in this house with you… »

He gently kisses those plump lips. 

« How about we start tidying now ? »

« I can’t wait to see your baby pictures… »

« Minho ! ~ »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes :
> 
> Oh Gosh. I never thought I will see the end of this chapter. I feel like my head is going to explode from all the research.
> 
> Anyway ! I didn't put any "*" because there will be like one every two seconds *laughs*...
> 
> But first of all a BIG MASSIVE WARNING : 
> 
> Taemin's convictions here DON'T represent the mind of EVERY catholic/christian. I want to makes this CLEAR. I want Taemin's character to be like God was really all of his life and nothing else. And that he wasn't supposed to leave it AT ALL. 
> 
> EVERY (and I said EVERY) verses can be interpreted in a different way. Also, because the evolution of the Bible. Since it was translated multiple time, the words can change. The Bible at first was in Greek, then in latin etc... This plays a major part.
> 
> For example, if we take the Levicitus verse two chapters before, I found this on the Wikipedia page (I will put all my sources below if you are interested. Surprisely, the Wikipedia page is actually quite good.), which resume actually everything : 
> 
> "To interpret these passages of Leviticus, it’s important to know that this book of the Bible focuses on ritual purity for the Israelites, and setting guidelines for the Israelites to distinguish themselves from their pagan neighbors, the Egyptians and Canaanites, who lived in the lands before they were settled by the Jews. This is shown in Leviticus Chapters 18 and 20 by three specific scripture passages (Leviticus 18:2-3, 18:24 and 20:23) that state that the Israelites should never do what the Egyptians and Canaanites did."
> 
> This is actually what I meant, but this explain it more clearly. The story of Sodom and Gomorrah is also very debatable. The simple verses about love too. Is it only for heteresoxual couples ? Homosexual ? Etc... It's an infinite debate.
> 
> Here are the sources :
> 
> http://www.leavingthepriesthood.com/index.html
> 
> https://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/what-does-the-bible-say-about-masturbation.html
> 
> https://www.openbible.info/topics/men_sleep_with_men
> 
> https://www.openbible.info/topics/homosexuality
> 
> https://www.openbible.info/topics/love
> 
> https://www.biblestudytools.com/matthew/passage/?q=matthew+7:1-5
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodom_and_Gomorrah
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bible_and_homosexuality
> 
> See you next chapter,
> 
> M.S


	9. Fear(s)

Minho and Taemin move in their lovely home five months later. 

Some works have been done, especially in the kitchen and the bathroom, beautifying the house but nevertheless leaving the authentic atmosphere and not making it too modern. 

They decide what furnitures they will keep in the house and the one in the apartment, making at the end an unique mix of Taemin’s childhood and their current life.

Taemin’s bedroom becomes their own one, and his parents bedroom become an office for Minho's works. 

In addition, they stored Taemin’s belonging there, like family photos and his religious books. 

Taemin loves it. 

He enjoys the atmosphere. 

He loves being here again.

Especially with Minho. 

Actually, Minho resigned from his job and created his own company in the city next to their new home. 

It became quite popular pretty quickly, thanks to Minho’s mutual relations and his good mastership. 

Taemin is so happy to be back in his beloved hometown. 

The neighbor has completely changed but the streets remains the same. 

Some days he solely goes around the streets and even goes to the city of his childhood by bus. Everything has grown bigger, but his childhood spirit is still here. 

He is so happy to be here. 

And he is so happy that Minho is with him. 

He becomes more and more affectionate to him. 

He waits all day for him to come home. 

He hugs him more and more. 

Every so often, he places kisses on his cheeks. 

He loves to snuggle to Minho in the morning, desiring him to not going to work. 

Taemin enjoys a lot now when Minho kisses him. 

Not that he didn’t like it before, but he appreciates more and more and understand a little bit each day why Minho does this to him.

Since the day they talked about his fundamental beliefs, Taemin feels more properly understood. Minho didn’t judge him at all and was nothing but trying to understand correctly why. 

He perceived that Taemin needs to go slowly. 

That makes it more clear to each others and since then, Taemin appreciates Minho's affection more and more each day. 

He is going slow with him. 

He asks if what he does to him is uncomfortable or not. 

Minho is like his teacher in a way. 

Carefully teaching him progressively that what they feel for each others is totally alright. 

That it’s not inappropriate. 

That Taemin shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Feeling. 

It’s what Minho is teaching him. 

Feeling and not thinking. 

Taemin is learning that the word « love » is acceptable in their relationship. 

That it is not just lust. 

Every day, he integrates it more and more. 

It stills not it, but he made a lot of progress since then. 

And he is very proud. 

Just like Minho is extremely proud of him. 

Seeing him making all of his progress causes him loving him more and more.

He loves him so much. 

Every day when he wakes up, he feels like it’s a dream. 

He loves to take him in his protecting arms, to passionately kiss him, to make love to him.

He just loves him. 

He wants to display all his love to him that has been suppressed because we said to him it was wrong.

He wants him in his life forever.

6 A.M.

Minho shuts down the alarm o’clock with his hand.

Taemin comes to snuggle into him, placing his head in the crook of Minho’s graceful neck.

Minho chuckles at his behavior.

« Good morning, Babe. » He says groggy. « Seems like this is naturally becoming a sacred ritual every morning now… » He says enlacing him and kissing the top for his head.

« Hmm… Don’t go… You are so warm and tired… »

« Someone likes that I sleep without a shirt now… » He says making him coming closer for having more skinship. 

« Minhoooo… » 

Minho is used to sleep with only his underwear. 

He started to wear pajamas after he had met Taemin because he was uncomfortable. 

But Taemin became more and more comfortable with nudity and would even put his hands under Minho’s shirt. 

As a result, he respectfully asked if it was alright for him to sleep without a shirt as a first step. Taemin accepted and since then, he loves to snuggle to him. 

He likes the warms of Minho body.

« Sleeping Beauty, don’t sleep… I need to wake up now, or I am going to be late… »

« Nooooo…. Stay here… You are the boss it’s alright if you are late… »

« Not for me, you know I am not like that… » He chuckles. 

Taemin looks at him and feels instantly his lips on him. 

He likes morning kisses…

He sighs and let go of Minho, pouting. 

Minho places a chaste kiss on his plump lips again, smiling.

« Cute ~ »

« Will you go home late again ? »

« No, I don’t think. I am sorry about yesterday, but I needed it to complete it. Today is going to be a light day if I can say. » He says preparing his furnitures.

« Which means ? »

« Which means being home at 5 P.M. for you ~ »

« I hope… »

« I will. Promise. »

Taemin smiles and feels his rosy lips on him again. 

« Go take a shower, you are going to be late. I’m making breakfast. »

« Bless you, Honey ~ »

Minho takes a brief shower and dresses in his usual suit. 

Taemin prepares a wonderful breakfast. 

Minho eats a lot, especially in the morning. 

« Smells good… » He says placing a kiss on Taemin’s cheek.

« Thank you. »

Taemin joints his hands and does the sermon before eating, just like always. 

Minho respects that and does it too for him.

« What are you doing today ? »

« I thought about going to my local church. This is where I’ve passed all my childhood. »

« It’s been a while you didn’t go to church actually. »

« That’s true… »

Since they move to their new home, Taemin didn’t go to church. 

Not even on Sunday. 

Because it means going to his local church. 

With Minho, because he knows he will go with him.

But he is…

Scared ?

« Any reason in particular ? »

« I think… I think I am afraid, a little. »

« Why ? »

« Because I know I will met people that I know, and I am terrified of their questions. »

« You are not obligated to respond to them, you know. »

« I know… But… I just don’t want to be judged. »

« I know that feeling well. » He chuckles. « Do you desire me to come with you ? It will not be today unfortunately, or if you want tonight when I come home. »

« No ! No it’s alright ! I will go alone. I think I need to go alone… For… How to explain it… »

« Being strong and accepting you ? »

« Yes… I guess… »

« If something is wrong you call me, okay ? »

« Yes, I will. » He says smiling reassuringly. 

Minho enlaces him one more time, kissing him passionately and whispering « I love you » on his plump lips, Taemin smiling has an answer.

When he leaves, Taemin sighs, feeling stressed. 

To be honest, he is not ready to go to the local church. 

But he knows that one day or another he will have to got here. 

And he decided to go this afternoon after cleaning the house. 

A hasty lunch, and he is already on the streets going to his local church.

Nothing has changed in fact. 

It is a modest church, but still pretty with a lot of stained glasses. 

It looks more like an historic European church than a modern one. 

Taemin stands in front of the familiar door. 

He takes a deep breath and goes inside.

Nobody is there. 

Taemin sighs of relief. 

He sits on one of the bench. 

Nothing has changed. 

The cross with Jesus crucified is still there, the statue of Maria too. 

Just the bench has changed, they were already pretty old when Taemin went there has a child.

Taemin closes his eyes, joints his hands.

And prays.

He misses it a lot. 

He likes praying in church. 

It’s his safe place. 

He prays before eating and going to bed. 

Every single day. 

This is where he feels the more himself. 

Nobody judges him. 

Nobody tells him what to do. 

It’s between him and God and only.

And nobody else. 

Taemin goes to light a candle right after.

Praying for his beloved parents that he misses so much.

And for Minho.

His precious Minho. 

He cherishes him a lot. 

He is so glad that he came into his life. 

He becomes happier each day with him. 

He prays for never parting them away.

« Taemin ? »

He instantly jumps from the shock.

« Sorry ! I didn’t mean to scare you. »

« Father Heejoon ? »

Father Heejoon is the priest that taught Taemin everything. 

He is the one that answered every single question of Taemin everytime he would come here after school. 

He, on top, made a letter of recommendation for entering the private Catholic school he went, and also when he started his seminary. 

He also gave him specials studies sessions.

He was one of the major reasons why Taemin entered the priesthood. 

He accomplished everything in his power for him to enter.

Father Heejoon is so overjoyed to see him. Taemin was his dear protege. 

But he notices Taemin in civil clothes. 

He sincerely hopes it’s not what he believes right now.

« It’s been a while, I am so happy to see you ! »

« Me too, I’ve missed you a lot. »

« Why are you here if I may ask ? »

« Hum… »

Taemin compresses his lips. 

He doesn’t know how to announce it.

« I live here now. »

« Oh, you are not in the village anymore ? »

« No… I live in my parents’ house now. »

« I am terribly sorry for your parents… » 

« Bless you. I’m still not very completed with the idea they are not here anymore. But they are with God, they must be happy now with Him. »

« I don’t doubt it. Your parents were very pure to support and conduct you to your spiritual journey. »

« Yes, I’m always thankful to that. »

Father Heejoon ticks at one thing.

« Did you say you lived in your parents’ house ? »

« Yes, I do. »

« But… Do you not live in a church anymore ? » He frowns.

Taemin’s hands are trembling. 

What he feared is happening.

« No… »

« Why ? »

« I’ve left the priesthood, Father. »

Father Heejoon’s eyes are wide. 

Taemin ? 

Leaving the priesthood ? 

That’s the least thing ever he will have thought of.

« But… Why ? What happened ? Did something go wrong in the village ? »

« No ! No ! Everything was lovely. It’s solely… Me. »

« I’m sorry Taemin, but I am utterly surprise. And I don’t understand at all why did you leave. You remain the most fervent religious child I have ever encountered. Hearing you saying this is so odd to me. »

« I understand… »

« Taemin, if something terrible happened, you need to inform me. I don’t desire this to be the reason of why you left the priesthood. »

« Nothing inappropriate happened, Father… »

Taemin takes a deep breath.

« I’ve just met someone. »

Father Heejoon's eyebrows lift.

« Oh… » He says smiling gently. « It’s not a severe thing, indeed. I’ve never known you will fall for someone knowing how much you loved God. »

« I didn’t think ever. But… It happened. »

« Are you happy ? »

« Yes. I’ve never been much happier. » He says smiling.

« Do you plan on properly marrying her and having children ? I hope you still have those fundamentals principles and the faith. »

« I will always have the faith, Father. But… »

« But ? »

« But I can’t marry my partner or either having children. At least, biologically. »

« Taemin, I don’t understand… » He says worried.

Taemin looks straight in his eyes. 

He doesn’t want to be ashamed of saying it.

He is proud to be with Minho. 

He makes him happy. 

Why should he be ashamed ?

It’s his life.

His feelings.

« My partner is a man, Father. »

Father Heejoon steps back, horrified. 

« A man… ? But… Taemin… You know it is a sin… A terrible sin… »

« I know that… But… »

« Taemin, I can help you. I know an institution who helps ill people like you and help them to get back on track. Do you want me to talk to them about you ? »

Taemin frowns at it. 

Institution ?…

Then he realizes what it means, and his eyes go wide.

This is what Minho has been through.

Conversion therapy. 

Father Heejoon is judging him just like Minho’s parents. 

« … I beg your pardon Father ? » He says confirming what he really thinks it is.

« It’s a great place. I’ve sent a few people here and… »

« You what ? » He says horrified.

« Taemin, don’t take it on the defensive. I am solely here to help you. »

« Helping me ? »

Taemin’s fists are clinched, his nails digging deep in his skin.

He is extremely furious right now. 

He never experienced that.

« You are the first person who told me to never judge a person, and look what you are doing ! »

« I’m not judging you… »

« You are ! Do I need to remind you, _Matthew, 7:1-2_ ? This is the first verses that you taught me ! That’s the core of what God and the Christ teach us ! »

« It’s not the same here… »

« IT IS ! Don’t try to adapt it to your own perspective ! » 

Taemin’s tears begin to rolls on his cheeks.

« I’ve never been this much happy with this man. Not even with God, or in the priesthood. I’ve never experienced so much joy since I encountered him. I was so frightened to come here because I feared of being judge just like they did to my partner. Because his own parents sent him to the « institution » you are talking about. The only thing that he was left out is terrible trauma. I had a little hope when I saw you. Because you are the one who taught to not judging people. That only God can judge them. This is what I told to my partner when he realized that his « conversion » didn’t work and that he was falling in love with me. He was constantly asking me questions about love. If it was wrong or not. I’ve told him just like what you declared to me, that it was a terrible sin. But I’ve never judged him. I’ve told him what you instructed me ! That God only can judge us. And look what you are doing… I considered you like a second father… »

He furtively wipes his tears with his nervous hands, taking a deep breath. 

He looks right in front of Father Heejoon, with his mad deep brown iris.

« I’ve never asked you to accept it. I, myself now, don’t even accept the fact that I am with a man either. But it is, as it is. I am happy with him and that’s all that matter. Your behavior disgusts me. I will never forget you. I don’t imagine what the people you sent to your famous great « institution » have been through. I never want to see you again. Never. I don’t even want to hear your name. Goodbye, Father. »

Without hearing Father’s Heejon answer, he runs out of the church.

*~*

When Minho comes back from work, he sees Taemin on the couch, with albums photos everywhere. 

He smiles at the view. 

He removes his coat and sits beside Taemin.

« Hello, Honey. »

Taemin looks at him, smiling gently.

« Hi. ~ » He says caressing Minho’s cheek.

Minho is a little surprise. Taemin doesn’t do this specific type of behavior usually. 

He is not complaining, but it’s odd that in just a day he does this. 

He also sees in his eyes expressing a thing he never completely did.

_Love_ ? 

He doesn’t really know exactly but it’s very tender. 

But he also sees he cried. 

Minho puts his hand on top of his one.

« Are you okay ? » He says gently and genuinely worried.

« I’m fine, yes. Want to look to the pictures with me ? » He says trying to bypass the conversation.

« Yes, of course. Which ones are you looking at ? »

Minho puts him closer to him.

« My first communion. »

Flipping through the pages, Minho seizes one specific. 

He and all his family are in the front of the church. 

« You’re so adorable. » He says looking at it closer.

Taemin blushes.

« That is all your family ? »

« Yes. Practically of all of them are in God’s hands, unfortunately. »

« I’m sorry… »

« That’s life. »

« And him, who is it ? » He says pointing at him.

Taemin's face darkened.

« That is Father Heejoon. He is the one who taught me everything… I used to consider him as a second father. »

« And why not anymore ? »

« I’ve encountered him today… »

« Did you go to the church ? »

« Yes… »

« Did it… Go well ? »

« No… »

Taemin takes the photo from Minho hands, looking at it sadly.

And rips the part where Father Heejoon is in.

« Taemin ?… »

« He judged me. » He says looking at Minho.

He instantly starts crying. 

Minho takes him even more in his embrace.

« Tell me… »

« He wanted to send me to one of those « institutions ». »

Minho instantly freezes and becomes tense.

« Just like your parents did. He told me he sent a few people here already… He is the one who taught me to not judge people. This is what I’ve told you too, remember ? »

« I remember very clearly… I will always remember that… »

« And he did the contrary of what he taught me. That hurts so much… »

« What did you say to him ? »

« That I am with a man… And that I am happy. »

« Happy ? »

« I am happy, Minho. I am happy with you. »

Minho smiles at the words. 

He takes both of his rosy cheeks with his hands carefully wiping his tears at the same time and placing his forehead on his, closing his eyes.

« I am glad you are happy. This is all I desire… »

« I’ve never been this happy in all my life, Minho. Never. I am happy to be here with you. I like being in your embrace. I am blissful… »

Minho puts a peck on his lips. 

« I love you, Taemin… » He says looking at him tenderly.

He sighs and closes his eyes. 

Taemin voluntarily leaves them wide open. 

He is looking at one thing in particular.

His rosy lips.

He…

He wants to kiss them. 

He brushes them with his hand, feeling the texture. 

Minho puts a tender kiss on his fingers.

Taemin moves slowly his head for coming closer to his small lips.

He gently brushes them with his, apprehending Minho reaction. 

But he is teasing him as much as him.

And Taemin tenderly kisses him and closes his eyes. 

Just little peck at first, but he quickly takes the lead and starts kissing Minho just like he habitually does to him. 

Minho puts him on his laps, holding him closer and closer.

He is in heaven. 

He is so happy. 

For the first time, Taemin is kissing him by himself.

This is a considerable victory to him. 

It means he trusts him. 

That he understands each day that Minho loves him. 

And that he proves it by doing this.

They detach from the kiss, looking at each other eyes. 

Taemin feels a little embarrassed. 

Minho sees slightly red cheeks. 

But Taemin doesn’t even have the chance to react completely that Minho restarts to kiss him. 

More rougher. 

More hungry.

Taemin feels his trails of chaste kisses on his neck, making him whimper. 

Minho lifts him and brings him to their bedroom. 

All of their clothes fall everywhere in the room in no time.

Taemin doesn’t even process when preliminary stuffs are over and that Minho is already inside of him.

Minho is in a hurry tonight. 

Usually, he is progressive. 

He likes when the room becomes hotter, sometimes to the point that Taemin begs him. 

There is none of that stuff tonight. 

Minho gets straight to the point by setting his legs apart and pushing them on his fair torso.

It surprises Taemin so much that he leaves big trails of nails on his musculars arms.

And that his graceful legs are already shaking. 

He never experiences the sensation in his belly being this strong and hard. 

Taemin looks at him, blushing and his mouth wide-open letting out some serious vocal.

Minho never breaks the contact. 

He bites his lips looking at Taemin being a mess just by the start.

Minho never made love to him like that. 

And he pretty much likes it so see him in this state. 

And it seems that his lover like it just as much by seeing how his feet tense up and how vocal he is.

But this doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Minho wants to prove something. 

He wants to prove so much how Father Heejoon is wrong. 

So wrong.

That he dearly loves him. 

That his love is not a sin.

He wants to prove it by showing how much pleasure he can gives to him.

That he can makes him happy.

That those « institutions » are useless.

He is not wrong.

He never was wrong.

Never.

And that if there is a God upon them, He will judge them the desired day. 

That if it was a unpardonable sin or not.

But for now, as much as he is alive, he will passionately loves him. 

He will kiss him. 

He will make love to him.

He will be part of his life and making him happy.

« Minho ! Minho ! Minho ! Ah ! Ah ! AH ! »

Minho comes back from his sense and ceases what he is doing.

He feels Taemin’s nails deeps in his torso, putting red trails everywhere. 

Seeing how hard he grips under his knees that he unintentionally left marks. 

And that Taemin in addition came without any touching. 

And not just one time.

Taemin lets his head fall on the sheets, taking back his breath.

He looks back at Minho, who looked at him during the whole time.

« Minho ?… » He says breathless.

Minho passes his arms under Taemin’s back and kisses him with so much passion.

Taemin doesn’t precisely understand what’s happening with him right now, but he likes it. 

He likes when Minho is so drive by affections that it dominates him.

« Taemin… » He says putting his forehead on his.

« Yes… »

« You know I love you, right ? » He says whispering.

Minho is looking at him with so much hope in his eyes.

Like he fears a negative answer.

« Yes, I know… »

« Do you believe what I feel for you is love and not lust ? »

« Of course, I do… I know you feel love… It’s solely me… Not you… I know you love me… I know you love me so much… » He says placing a kiss on his lips.

« Did you ever think about it ? »

« About what… »

« Going to one of those institutions. »

« No… I could never… This is not what God and Jesus taught me… Even for myself… This is not Christianity… This is barbary… »

Taemin captures Minho faces in his hands.

« I can’t say yet « I love you » to you Minho… I still need to figure out some things… But I like you*. I like being here with you. I am happy with you. I am happy to be in my childhood house with you. I like when you kiss me. I like… kissing you too. I… I like when you do things like that to me in bed… » He says blushing. « I am not going anywhere… Even if someone I have known since childhood says to me that this is wrong. He is not in my everyday life. He doesn’t have to interfere in my faith. I am here… I am with you… I will never leave you… »

Minho restarts kissing him as an answer. 

He is frightened that one day, Taemin will wake up and realizes everything he does is wrong and that he will leave him. 

He will be unable to live if he leaves him. Taemin is the exclusive thing that keeps him alive.

If he hadn’t encountered him…

He doesn’t think he would be on his Earth anymore.

Minho places his head on the crook of his neck, leaving kisses.

« I love you so much… »

« I know… I like you too… » He says gently stroking his hair.

Minho takes back Taemin legs, thrusting.

« Min… Minho ! » He moans.

« Did you think it was over ? Oh boy, how wrong you are… I am clearly undone with you yet… » He says licking his neck with a pleasant smile.

Oh no, he is not, _indeed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes :
> 
> Hello everyone ! Long time no see !
> 
> I saw Taemin in Paris in February with SuperM. The concert was absolutely amazing. I've cried a lot during Sayonara Hitori Ahaha. Taemin's beauty is really indescribable. When people said that videos and pictures don't do him justice, they are right. He is unthereal. 
> 
> I hope all of you are safe with the virus. In my country, we had to wait like 2 months before they realized that maybe it's not like influenza... A real disaster. But we always have a train late, it's an Olympic sports here.
> 
> I've corrected all the previous chapters. The C/C have done quite weird things and there were grammmar mistakes.
> 
> *Little clarification about "I like you". One of my major problem by writting in English is that the vocabulary is so poor compared to my native language. I struggle sometimes to found a good translation because in French you can say it with four different words with slight difference in terms of meaning, and in English there is one for everything. Anyway, my point is : In English, when you say "I like you", it possibly means "I love you" too. Which is not the case in my native language. "I like you" in French means "I appreciate you". In a friendly way. And this is what I means here for Taemin. He appreciates Minho. But not to the point of "Love", that's why he is not saying "I love you" yet. 
> 
> That's all.
> 
> Stay safe everyone and take care of your health ! 
> 
> See you next chapter,
> 
> M.S


	10. Therapy

The sun is shinning brightly in their bedroom. Little birds can be heard outside. A little windy.

Taemin enjoys this specific type of morning. 

Relaxed. 

Calm. 

Being in bed, lying on Minho. 

Feeling his tanned hands traveling through his back.

Gently caressing it. 

Feeling his little kisses on the top of his head.

His head on his torso, hearing Minho’s heartbeat.

Taemin’s hand traveling through his abs. 

He never said it to Minho, but he likes caressing his body.

Feeling the warm on his hands, the contrast of his pale hands on his tanned skin.

It’s relaxing.

And it’s not like Minho’s body isn’t well built.

He likes, with his finger, to do the contour of his abs.

It makes Minho chuckles sometimes because it tickles.

But…

There is something Taemin never asked. 

Oh Lord, he wants to know.

But, it’s a sensible subject.

And he is kind of nervous of the answer.

Scars.

Minho has noticeable scars all over his torso and back.

Some on his arms and legs too.

Taemin tries avoiding them when he touches him.

But it’s difficult. 

There are so many of them.

Especially when they have intimate moments, he is uncontrollable. 

Minho has seen so many things about him.

But he knows practically nothing about his story.

He barely explains it deeply. 

Taemin, before, wasn’t the type of expressing his feeling. 

But since he met Minho, he is incredibly fragile.

He never cried this much in his life. 

Expressed this much.

But it seems Minho is badder than him.

Apart showing how much he loves him, he never expressed something else.

The unique time he did is when he talked about his parents.

Taemin knows it is painful. 

But he wants to know.

He wants to know him in all his entirety. 

Even with the wounds.

« Minho… » He says barely in a whisper. 

« Yes… »

« Where does these scars come from ? »

Taemin hears the pacing of his heart fasting and his hand stops caressing his back. 

He carefully looks at Minho.

« If you don’t want… »

« No… No… I know… I know one day you will ask. »

« Even. If it’s terribly painful… »

« You have the right to know. I know your wounds. But you know nothing about me. »

Minho enlaces him, gently kissing him.

« It’s not going to be funny indeed… But this is a part of my story. Unfortunately. But I can’t change the past. It’s still fresh like yours. I’m solely… Not the type to express it. »

« I observed that. »

Minho chuckles. 

« But I want to know you with your wounds, too. Just like you did to me. You are my partner, no ? I should know you in your entirety. Even if it’s unpleasant. »

Partner.

Taemin never says they are partners. 

Partner can mean friendly or romantically.

But it is a crucial step Taemin refers them has that.

Minho can’t believe how lucky he is to possess him in his life.

« Do you remember when I said my parents sent me to conversion therapy ? »

« Yes… »

« I’ve obtained these… Here. »

There is a pause.

« I don’t even know where to start… »

I have questions… If you don’t mind. It would lead to your story, I think. »

Maybe. Tell me. »

« How was your relationship with your parents, before they sent you here ? »

« To be honest, it was pretty good. I was maybe too young at the time for properly understanding their thought. »

« About… ? »

« Homosexuality. I don’t think a speech is needed for saying their negative view about it. I have my private tutor, only for me, instructing me especially how being gay was a shame and a sin. It was at my catholic school. But I am someone who is… I don’t really how to say it, but strong ? When I have an opinion, and I naturally think it’s accurate, you can’t really change my mind. That’s why I think I never really take those words that they were teaching by heart. But I was however left with a complex at the end. I didn’t express it as much had before.»

« It did affect you, in a way. »

« Yes, a little. But not as much as it should be. At the end I just thought it was just something you shouldn't be really loud about. I think since it was my youthful years, I was kind of a little rebellious. You know, this specific kind of cliché. But that didn’t make me change one a bit. I love boys, and that’s it. Deal with it. Okay, I will not tell it in front of everyone anymore since it seen as bad. But that’s it. Not more than that. I also thought it couldn’t be worst than just teaching. »

« Which… »

« Was not the case ? Definitely. But at the time I didn’t know that. Consequently, I didn’t really care at the end of what they taught me in school. Naturally thinking it would pass. »

« That’s why ?… »

« My parents sent me in conversion therapy ? Absolutely. Since they saw that I didn’t care about what was teaching to me, they decided to send me here. Even more when they learnt that I had a little love in Middle School with a boy at the time. We were kissing secretly in the bathroom. But his parents of him were supportive, not like mine. When they learnt, I never saw them this angry in my entire life. That’s where I started to fear them. »

« That was the top of the cake ? »

« Literally. That instantly made their mind up. »

Minho sighs.

« It’s odd to think about all of that again. »

« If you want to stop… »

« No, it’s okay. »

« When did they send you here ? »

« After I graduated Middle School. Actually, they didn’t tell me they would send me there. »

« What ? How did they do that ? »

« Since it was summer holiday, they said to me that they will sent me to a vacation camp. And it seems like one when I arrived. My parents naturally gave my suitcase and said goodbye. I waved and smiled serenely at them. That’s the last time I did this to them. Plus, I never thought it would be the last time I will see them until four years later. »

Taemin grasps his hand in his, pressing a chaste kiss on his cheek. 

« You are extremely courageous. » He smiles at him.

« Thank you… »

« What happened after they left ? »

« We were all gathered in a grand hall. And they made a speech. That’s when I instantly realized it wasn’t a vacation camp… »

_« Good morning everyone ! Welcome to the camp ! I naturally think all of you know why you are here. »_

_Minho frowns. And he isn’t the only one in the room._

_« I guess not from some of the grave faces I see… Don’t worry, everything will be fine. You are in a conversion therapy camp. All of you who are here, suffer from a critical illness who needs to be cured. A terrible disease that I hope will be healed with the help of God and Jesus. The disease of homosexuality, transgender or any forms of this cult called LGBTQ. I desperately wish for all of you that at the end of this one year, you will be free from this demon. Before going to your rooms, we are going to inspect you and giving you some rules. Thank you. »_

« At the moment, I just felt anger toward my parents. First, because they have lied to me. Secondly… Because they saw me has being ill. Just because I like boys. That cruelly destroyed me. They told me it was a terrible sin. But that it was disease… »

« You must have been heartbroken… »

« I was. I was glad that I wouldn't see them during one year. At least, for the start. »

Minho looks at the ceiling with empty eyes.

« I never thought it would be this bad… »

Taemin pinches his lips, playing with Minho’s hand.

« As a former priest… What sick me the most in terms of religious aspect is the pride they have for speaking in the name of God. Who are they for saying it is good or bad… Even if there are verses in the Bible, who are they for appropriating these words has their own and forcing it to some people… That disgusted me. »

« If you are already disgusted, the sequel is ten times worst. »

« I still want to hear it… It’s your story. »

« After he had made his pompous speech, we were indeed inspected. They took every form of communication for contacting the outside world. Notepad, pens. Everything. We had a label on our clothes, with only our name. Saying our surname was prohibited or we were severely punished. No friendship was allowed either. »

« Why ? »

« For not contacting each other after the camp. And having trouble with the justice I guess. »

« Is there a law against those ? »

« No. At least, not in our country. »

« Did you have a schedule ? »

« Yes, we did. We woke up at five, for running one hour outside. »

« Even in winter ? »

« Even in winter. It was like -10°C sometimes. After that, we had breakfast and we pray. We had normal school for those who are still in High School or Middle School. »

« There was Middle Schooler ?… »

« Yes… »

« Oh my Lord… »

« The younger was eight. »

« Eight… How can they… »

« Apart for being sick individuals, I don’t know. Anyway, after we had lunch and what they call « healthy masculinity » and « healthy feminity ». »

« What is that ? »

« They are just teaching us the most stereotypical thing. A boy wears blue, play with a car. A boy is strong, he doesn’t cry. Those type of useless things. And they repeated constantly we were a shame for not being in the norm. It was all afternoon, and after we prayed for like two hours before dinner. »

« Two hours ? And praying for what ? »

« We had prayer of healing and delivery. »

« Oh God… No… »

« Oh, yes. » He sighs. « We had a demon inside of us, so we had to ask to deliver us. We also had a day of an empty stomach, on Sunday precisely where it was the day we prayed all day. For weakening the demon inside of us. And at nine, everybody went to bed. »

« …That’s it ? »

« That’s just the beginning. » He chuckles. « This went in like that for two weeks at least. It was gentle looking like that, but the goal in this was to hate yourself first. To destroy you mentally. That it’s your fault and that you are a shame to your family. Especially in the prayer time. »

« Why ? »

« For believing in what they say. You hate yourself because you can’t fight against your own problem, so it confirms that you have an illness. »

« Did you believe that ? »

« After those two weeks ? Not at all. Some of us already did. Don’t forget I am stubborn. That’s why I spent four years there. It took me four terrible years to believe what they said. »

« And today ? »

Minho looks at him deeply in the eyes. 

« After I fell in love with you, no. That confirmed what they taught me was useless and not true. I was confused at first. I spent four years of hell for… Nothing. I let my anger of them toward you. I’ve just broken everything I’ve started to believe when I’ve kissed you. Nobody can stop me. Nobody. And look : I am here with you, in our bed, enlacing you and kissing you as much as I want. Are they here to stop me ? No. And they can never. If there is a God there, then he will judge me the time due. I will regret nothing of what I lived. Expect for these four years. »

Taemin smiles at him.

« I am proud to be the reason of your delivery. »

« You are my precious treasure that I will cherish until the day I die. »

« You are so cheesy. » He says blushing.

« But you like it when I am cheesy. »

« I never said I didn’t like it… »

Minho chuckles.

« More seriously… What happened after those two weeks ? »

« That’s where it became… Not nice and gentle. First, they became more and more harsh in their speech. Everything started to become order. Plus we had « Speech of therapy », which is basically just a person who shouts during hours for saying how abject it is and how we severely harm others. And we started having, which they called, « Sexual Addiction » …»

_« Sit down, Minho. »_

_Minho is in a room, alone with this man._

_It looks like a psychiatric room._

_All white._

_Only a desk and chairs._

_It seems…_

_Oppressing._

_« Do you know why you are here ? »_

_« Not really… »_

_« This is to your current schedule. This is called, « Sexual Addiction ». »_

_« But… I don’t have this addiction. »_

_« You have. »_

_« No, I don’t. » He says frowning._

_« Do you feel attraction toward men, Minho ? »_

_« … Yes, I do. »_

_« Consequently, you automatically have this addiction. This is unpossible to not have this symptom with your illness. »_

_Minho chuckles._

_« Do you found this stupid, young man ? »_

_« To be honest, yes. »_

_« I am going to change your mind real quick for showing how much of a disease you are. »_

_Minho loses his smile and nibble his lips._

_« Minho, tell me. Have you been molested when you were younger ? »_

_« No… Not at all. »_

_« Okay… What do you think of when you masturbate ? »_

_« … I beg your pardon ? »_

_« Answers me, Minho. »_

_« This is personal ! »_

_« Minho, if you don’t respond I have to call someone and they will come back with a whip. »_

_He glups._

_« Do you want the whip Minho ? »_

_« No… No I don’t want… Not again… »_

_« So, answer my question. »_

_Minho feels like crying._

_It is so humiliating…_

_« I… I just think of a boy with me… »_

_« And ? »_

_« And… We just… We pleasure each other… »_

_« How ? »_

_« Pardon ? »_

_« I want precision, Minho. »_

_Minho hands are trembling._

_His upper lips are trembling._

_He definitely wants to cry._

_« Minho, I need an answer. »_

_« What… What if I don’t want ? »_

_« The whip. For hours. It’s not like you’re unused to it already. I am even sure you feel pleasure when we whip you… »_

_« No ! I don’t ! »_

_« You don’t shout to me, sinner ! » He says slapping him in the face. « Now answer my question ! »_

_Tears are falling on his cheeks._

_But Minho looks at him back._

_His eyes' black from angriness._

_« Never… Go. To. Hell. »_

_Minho is slapped again in the face._

_But this time much stronger that he falls on the ground._

_His lips bleeding._

_He feels the feet of the man giving kick in his belly._

_Never stopping._

_Each kick much stronger than the one before._

_« Stand up. »_

_Minho is so hurt from the kicks that he can’t even stand on his arms._

_« I SAID STAND UP YOU SINNER ! » He says giving an another one._

_Minho just splits blood from his mouth._

_He didn’t realize that two men had come to the room_

_« Do you know what people did in the Middle Ages ? Flogging. They flog themselves because lusting was wrong. So they punished themselves. »_

_He took the black whip. Showing it in front of Minho’s eyes._

_« Do you think you deserved that Minho ? Do you think you deserved to be flogging ? »_

_« … No… No… I did nothing bad… Please… »_

_« Wrong answer. »_

« They beaten myself so hard with that whip that I’ve bled. That’s why I have those scars. They beat me like this practically everyday. I was maybe ashamed and complexed, but I was still stubborn. What they asked was private, even if it was wrong. Anyway, since my parents didn’t want me home since I was « recovered », it inevitably results that the raw wounds were fully unhealed compared to the others who were here. As a result, it results to scars. »

Minho looks at Taemin.

He is sobbing.

« Taemin ? »

« I’m sorry… »

He gets up for taking tissue on the nightstand, wiping his tears.

Minho lift himself, placing his back on the headboard of the bed.

« I didn’t mean making you cry… » He says caressing his cheek.

« I didn’t mean crying either… » He says smiling.

Taemin looks at Minho scars on his torso.

His index his tracing them.

« I feel utterly ashamed to remain a religious person when I hear this… »

Minho takes his chin for making him look at him.

« Never be ashamed of who you are. Never. Don’t compare yourself to those people. Those people were unreligious. They were under no circumstances. You hear me ? Never compare yourself to them. »

Taemin has a slight smile on his lips.

He kisses Minho.

« Are you sure you want to hear the sequel… » He whispers.

« Yes… » He says setting his head on his torso and enlacing him.

« We started having what I designate « The Round » too. »

« The Round ? »

« Do you see the anonymous alcoholic ? That’s the same thing. But… For us, we had to stand up in front of everyone and announce our « Homosexual pulsation. ». »

« Is it like… »

« Sexual Addiction ? Kind of. At the end of our speech, we were injured and beaten by the other boys and girls in « The Round ». For indicating how it was inappropriate. »

« And did you tell yours ? »

« No. At least, not in the initial period. As a result, I was beaten harshly. The whip was my friend at the end. Plus, we had to wear backpack full of rocks everyday. »

« Why ? »

« For feeling the burden of being homosexual. If we fight, which is my case, we had more rocks. And also an empty stomach who could last for weeks. »

« Weeks ? » He says horrified.

« My record was two weeks without eating, and with little water. »

Taemin restarts sobbing.

« Oh, no… Babe… We should stop… »

« No ! » He shouts.

Minho is surprise.

« I want to hear everything. Every. Single. Thing. Do you hear me ? Even if it’s painful to hear. I want to know you in your entire self. To the good and to the worst. Everything. I want to be here for you too. I don’t want to be seen as the crybaby one. I never cry this much since I am with you. But it’s good. It’s not a bad thing. I finally express myself, I don’t contain everything I have anymore. Like crying in front of you hearing your story. I cry because it’s terrible. I cry because that hurts me so much to think you have to endure this. Don’t see my crying has a weakness, please. It’s not. It’s my feeling toward you. Feeling the pain that you have to contain all these years without anyone to talk. Please, continue… »

At this moment, Minho feels so touched. 

Someone wants to hear his story. 

Someone wants to hear his pain.

And it’s his lover.

His beauty.

His treasure.

He loves him so much.

« Please… Tell me the sequel. »

« Okay… »

He takes a deep sigh.

« Aversion Therapy ». It was one of the worst and the most humiliated thing. Essentially, they show us pictures and videos of men. Kissing at first, then hard pornography. If our body reacted, we would have electroshock. A negative stimulus for saying it was bad and we should stop. It’s psychologic. »

« In all the things you are stating to me, I see no religion… »

« But that’s the case. Religion was just a pretext. But we still had exorcism. »

« Exorcism ? »

« Yes. Like the one you see in movies. »

Taemin is horrified.

« But… You do that when you have a demon inside of you. »

« Oh, we possessed one : homosexuality. »

Taemin chuckles of irony.

« Oh my God… This is so stupid… »

« I know… »

« When did you start believing what they said ? »

« You know, the goal was to hate ourself. To see, that we can’t fight our problem. At the end, it confirms our illness. That we were sick individuals. For myself, I think I never really believed it at the end. I mean… I’ve met you. » He laughs. «I was just ashamed… Like a complex. And at the end, you believe in this complex. But you can change this complex, right ? Just like it came, you can make it disappear too. That’s what happened when I’ve met you. It disappears. Because I can take control of my life. And I can make this complex disappear. But… »

Minho nibbles his lower lips.

His body becomes tense.

Taemin lifts himself, feeling it.

« Minho ? » He says worried.

« … Sorry. I… I don’t know how to say it… »

He can’t look at Taemin’s eyes.

He feels so ashamed of this.

« Hey… I will not judge you… »

« I know… That’s not this… I… I’ve never told it. To anybody. Not even my parents… That’s… That’s what broke me the most… That’s what made me hate myself. That maybe I deserved it… »

Some tears fell on Minho’s cheeks.

While closing his eyes…

_This is the end of the « vacation camp »._

_Every person has to pass a test for showing they believe what they have been taught._

_Minho enters in the isolated room._

_He has been the most turbulent one of the year._

_Constantly responding to the staff._

_Being rebellious._

_When the staff see him entering the room, they know he will not pass it._

_Minho sits down on a chair._

_« Hello, Minho. It is the last day. How do you feel ? »_

_« Happy. I will not see your filthy faces anymore. »_

_The man in front of him smirks._

_He looks at the paper in front of him, with all the questions he has to ask._

_But he just places it beside._

_« Alright. I’m not going to ask you all these questions that I have normally to ask you. It’s useless with you. I’m going to go straight to the point, Minho. Do you believe that homosexuality represent a sin ? »_

_« No. »_

_« Do you feel outraged of yourself for liking men. »_

_« Never. »_

_« So… You feel like when you arrived here ? »_

_« Yes. I was complexed a little when I arrived here. But that didn’t increase. »_

_« I see… »_

_The man whispers to the other in his ear._

_He nods and goes out of the room._

_« Alright, Minho. Unfortunately, for you, you will not go back to your parents. »_

_« … Pardon ? »_

_« They called us, saying they didn’t want their son until he was recovered. »_

_Minho’s hands start trembling._

_« … This is impossible. »_

_« It is. You are not their son until you have this terrible illness. »_

_« LIAR ! »_

_« Mister, they are ready. »_

_« Great. Minho, you will have stay with us an another year. Or maybe more. You need to receive a correction for your behavior, and not having learned your lessons. »_

_Two men grab Minho, placing him an another room._

_Three men were standing in the room._

_« Oh… He’s charming. » Declares one._

_« How long can we ? »_

_« As much as you want. »_

_The two men close the door, living Minho and the three men alone._

_« What is your name ? »_

_« Min… Minho… »_

_He is petrified._

_« Don’t be scared » He says caressing his cheek with a sinister smile. « We are solely going to have fun. And make you learn a little lesson about how a disease you are… »_

_Minho gulps._

_The other two men seize him by the arms and lay him on the table._

_He was trying to escape from them, terrified._

_His pants his down._

_His underwear is down._

_His tears are falling down._

_« Have fun, boy. »_

_Minho feels something._

_And screams._

_Screams from the pain._

_For hours._

_Hours…_

_And for three more years._

Minho is crying heavily in the arms of Taemin.

Him is looking at the wall in front of him, with a blank stare.

He can’t believe what he has heard.

It was already horrific and unbearable. 

But he never thought this would happen.

He was raped.

His companion was raped.

Because he loves men.

Taemin wants to throw up.

He feels his belly tight from disgust.

He doesn’t want to imagine how Minho felt at this moment.

And how he is feeling this day.

Having to remain this inside of him for so long.

All alone with those terrible memories.

With no one to talk.

Taemin understands now.

Why he is so terrified to think that one day, he will go.

He nothing but has him.

To talk.

To hear his pain.

To have trust in someone.

To displaying affection.

To love.

That’s all Minho desires his life.

Being loved and hearing he is worth it.

Taemin will cherish him every day.

Showing he is here.

Forever.

Minho calms down, facing Taemin.

With a tissue, he whips his tears.

« Sorry… »

« Why are you sorry ? »

« I… »

« You have nothing to be sorry… Nothing… You have nothing to be ashamed either. You hear me ? You did nothing wrong. Nothing. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. Those persons were horrible. Cruel. They nothing but wanted to do harm. It’s not even a question of homosexuality or not. The goal was just to inflict pain on you. Nothing else. I don’t know how all these years you contain this inside of you… All this pain… I will always be here for you, Minho. Always. Hearing both of your pain and love. I said to you I want to know you in your entirety. And I mean it. I want to know your happy side as much as your broken side. And I am very grateful that today, you shared your broken side to me. I am happy you trust me enough to share this with me. »

He cups his cheeks, for looking at his deer eyes.

« I don’t know if it will soothe you. I know you don’t want me to compare myself to them. But please, hear it. As a religious and as a former priest, I am so sorry. I am so sorry everything that happened to you at this camp was based on Christianity. I am so sorry that these people, who said to believe in God’s words, are doing this. I am so sorry that this religious people hates on some people who simply love someone. I am terribly sorry to still be a part of it… »

Minho closes his eyes.

He does soothe him.

But…

« … Please, never said again that you a part of them. You don’t hate like them. You never hated. You never hated me for loving you. Never said that again… »

Resting his forehead against him, caressing his nose with him.

A little smile on his lips.

« But thank you… » He whispers.

He kisses his plump lips.

Taemin respond to it.

Minho accepted his apologies.

« Do you understand why I don’t contain myself for saying I love you to you ? Because I was private of that right. I was private to love. I don’t want to contain myself anymore. I just want to love fully. I want to love you fully. To enlace you, to kiss you, to make love to you. Because I love you, I love you and I love you. I said I could say all my life, and I mean it. I know you accept my love. I know you appreciate when I kiss you. I know you like it when we make love. You just don’t know how to express it right now. It will come. I said I would wait. And I still do. »

Minho cups his cheeks. 

And in a whisper, his lips brushing his…

« Just accept my love… Let me kiss you and make love to you. Let me take care of you every day. Be part of everything I do. I want to share everything with you. Embrace my love. I want nothing in return. Just that you accept and let me showing it to you every day. »

« I already do… I accepted your love… I love it when you show it to me… »

« Let me show you again… »

Minho restarts to kissing him more rougher.

He places him so that he is straddling him.

Taemin loves it so much when Minho French kisses him. 

Touching each other tongues.

He loves it when Minho is more and more rougher.

That he is so hungry to showing to him how much he loved him.

Taemin whimpers when he feels the palm of his hands grasping one of his butt cheeks.

« You have a real problem with butt… » He says joking between the kisses.

« I just love gripping _your_ butt. It’s different. » He says bitting Taemin’s lower lip.

He chuckles at it. 

Minho puts a last peck on his now abused lips.

Taemin looks at the scars on Minho’s torso.

Tracing it with his fingers.

« Minho ? »

« Yes… » He says putting him closer to him.

« Did you ever think of suing them ? »

« Who ? »

« The people who did this to you. »

« Of course. But I’ve never found them. »

« Even… »

« Even looking at the bank account of my parents ? Yes. I did. But I found nothing. I don’t know if it still exists today. Many them dismiss the organization for not being found and do an another one at an another place. »

« So… No hope ? »

« No… »

Taemin winces. 

« But I am alright, about that. I wish to sue them, of course. But I am fine. I just want to forget everything about what happened there. And going forward. »

« I will not push you more about this. »

« Thank you. »

Minho taps Taemin's right lap.

« We are not going to stay in bed all day. How about we go picnic at the park like last time ? »

« That will be lovely ~ » He says smiling.

He lies beside Minho, freeing him from his embrace.

« I’m going to take the shower first, if you want to lie a little more. »

He chuckles.

He knows him too well.

Just when he was about to enter in the bathroom…

« Darling ? »

Minho is taken aback.

Darling ?

Oh, _God_.

« Yes, Honey ? »

« Can I take a shower with you ? »

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes :
> 
> Hello everybody ! Long time no see, I am sorry.  
> I hope you are fine with everything that is happening in the world... 2020 is a really strange year.  
> Maybe just the beginning of what will comes in the future...
> 
> Anyway, hope you liked the chapter ! It was kind of hard to write.  
> First, because the majority of what you read is... True. I've take it from real testimonies.  
> It's a lot of research, and putting in into a story is hard.  
> Not everything is true tho, I've made it a little more dramatic for some and mix it with other thing.
> 
> But yes, the rape describing here actually really happened. The men in the real story actually have HIV. I let you imagine what happened after they rape them.
> 
> Here is all the source :
> 
> French :
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaDuoFfT5M8
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtxtIMEH8GE
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdrkUAcAOrM
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4KrU-eIDi4
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMJdvThjktc
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFdsaPz_ZbQ
> 
> English :
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i13JbzSnk94
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJrl5U-Sr8U
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdGlfD3v8ac
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL5ThApf0IA
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD4sWQG2DnQ
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDipt48sVyo
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFRGARTeLng
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q-fCuy7B40
> 
> https://www.huffpost.com/entry/realities-of-conversion-therapy_n_582b6cf2e4b01d8a014aea66?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAACfjAjiVzk1RmEALeerd-nWYqD6tvb-WpuPNXrzoltw7ZaoFOoOVbZTM7OWWhwRNcyUhNOUC13S-1gAnk8_7KFtYvGVnsjsUxhvfxYS93vQGVkcAFYVVA50DN2ZgByd-c0qJ9XVx9eP9yRZa1J95Hf9O9C0FLDbBOTvf3fmc9yoa
> 
> For seeing how stupid this thing is : 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6KLXWaxh8A
> 
> About the law, not every countries (and states for USA) have banned this practice. It's still the case in Korea. 
> 
> See you next chapter,
> 
> M.S


End file.
